As an international student living in America, I viewed the election results on Nov. 9 as a defendant in front of a jury, a defendant lacking the opportunity to express myself. That day, I felt like I was deemed guilty, having shown the jury nothing but the color of my skin and the country on my passport. In the days since, I have felt more unwelcome in America than I ever have in the past three years, despite my friends standing by me, validating me and my presence in this country.
I almost always get “randomly” checked when coming into the United States. The last time it happened, the friendly immigration officer who was interrogating me looked at my record and remarked to me, “Wow! You get this a lot!” I had never thought much of my frequent inspections (it is at worst an hour more at the airport while officers ask me questions and inspect documents), but the officer's comment came as a friendly reminder that I am, and always will be, a foreigner in this country. Of course, I get many more reminders because of my accent and mannerisms. But, in my three years here, I have always felt incredibly welcomed by the American people. From the elderly women who talk to me on New Jersey Transit, to the numerous offers I receive every year to come over for Thanksgiving dinner, American people have always welcomed me with open arms.
On Friday, Jan. 27, Donald Trump signed an executive order restricting access to the U.S. for refugees and immigrants from certain countries. My country is not on the list, though it could ostensibly be in the future. Trump also earmarked funds to build a border wall to stop immigrants from Mexico. The wall may not actually stop the flow of immigrants, but it does send a very clear signal: Immigrants are not welcome in the U.S., no matter how desperately they need to come.
When I first came here, I was actually sympathetic to Americans’ concerns regarding immigration. I understand why a restrictive immigration policy is important to any nation. But over the last six months, I have realized that the desire to restrict immigration in America is not rational. Arguments and data supporting a view of immigration as economically beneficial are not going to convert anybody. The desire, in actuality, is a manifestation of America’s desire to homogenize itself.
I have no authority as a "non-resident alien" to comment on this desire, but I can express how it makes me feel. It makes me feel that America is a reluctant host. A host that is indifferent to my needs. A capricious host that is willing to evict me if it ever changes its mind about me, even if I have nowhere to go. A host that is always skeptical of my contributions to it. A host that views with indignation those guests who have come before me and found happiness and economic success.
I have much to thank this country for. I have loved my time here, but I have now realized that it will never be home. That I will always have to keep three suitcases ready in case I am told that I need to pack my bags and leave. That to go home, it’s probably best to buy a one-way ticket and wait to see if I can come back to finish my studies. And I would have almost forgotten that if I hadn’t followed the news over the last 20 months.
Avaneesh Narla is a physics major from Kolkata, India. He can be reached at avaneesh.narla@princeton.edu.
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