1. Eisgruber to review grade deflation policy; B+'s respond, "Hey man, I thought we were cool!"
2. UHS-approved methods of meningitis prevention include hand-washing, not looking Basilisk directly in the eye
3. Government still shut down; annoyingly, school is not
4. Princeton beats Columbia 53-7 in football game; Princeton cheerleaders temporarily lose use of arms
5. Eisgruber defends legacy admissions at alumni event, because what else can you say at an alumni event
6. Reports of gunshots fired in Nassau Hall still really not funny