Parents of Princeton

Chenning grace ma ’14 is a Wilson School major from Lafayette, Calif. Her parents split their time between Beijing and Grace’s childhood home outside San Francisco. The family’s distance from New Jersey often means that Grace only makes it home twice a year. Since her freshman year, Grace has spent only a few weeks over winter break and a couple of weeks during the summer in California. “[Princeton] is too far away from my home,” laments Grace’s mother, Hope Chen. Although she wishes Grace weren’t so far away during the school year, she recognizes the positive experiences that Princeton affords her daughter. “I think Grace has had a great time at Princeton in terms of personal development,” Hope says.

Grace’s parents had no previous connection to Princeton before their daughter applied. Both grew up in China and attended university there — Hope in Shanghai and Yunjie, Grace’s father, in Beijing. During the Tiananmen Square crisis, Yunjie escaped to Shanghai and met Hope. The couple moved to California in 2000, when Grace was eight years old. They were unfamiliar with Princeton aside from the University’s moments in the spotlight. “I knew Einstein had taught at Princeton — he was my hero when I was a kid,” Hope says. “I had also seen the campus in the film ‘A Beautiful Mind.’ ” But since Grace started school in fall 2010, her family has become big Princeton fans. “We are more interested in school-related things like sporting events and everything happening on campus,” Hope says. But above all else, Hope values Grace’s personal growth. “She’s learned a lot and made great friends,” Hope says. “She enjoys the small class atmosphere; she can interact with professors more frequently and directly.”

However, Hope also recognizes a few shortcomings in Princeton’s curriculum. “[Grace] is very stressed out all the time,” Hope explains. “Princeton hasn’t really given her much perspective on how to relax and how to fail.” She also has ideas for restructuring the school year: “Can they take finals before winter break?” But all in all, Hope seems very satisfied with Grace’s education — both inside the classroom and out: “Princeton gives her a lot of opportunities she never imagined before.”

On a campus steeped in tradition with ivy crawling the walls of Nassau Hall, sometimes it seems like we could close our eyes and our Princeton stories and experiences could be those of students past. But then we see New Frick and the plans for the Arts and Transit Neighborhood, and we are reminded of the changes and expansions at Princeton that are unique to our time. This is the Princeton Paradox: experiencing the timeless even in the midst of progress and transformation. In some ways this paradox will be a part of all of our stories, just as it has been for Tom and Karen Murphy ’82.

As members of the Class of 1982 and parents of Grace Murphy ’15, they have seen firsthand the beauty of a shared Princeton experience. “Each time Grace has a new discovery, I am reminded of a similar ‘ah-ha’ moment … running on the tow path, Thomas Sweets, running late to the E-Quad — all happy and currently refreshed memories,” Tom Murphy said. Both remember their time at Princeton fondly, mentioning their eating clubs, sports (lacrosse, rugby and sailing) and, of course, each other. They met as freshmen living in Cuyler and were in the same math class. Tom considers “chasing Mrs. Murphy” as one of his campus activities and declared, “Karen was the cutest girl I had ever seen.”

Finding each other is just one of many ways the Murphys’ time at Princeton has stayed with them. “Integrity is built over a lifetime and lost in a moment,” Tom said. He believes the Princeton Honor Code instilled that belief in him. Karen feels that Princeton inspired her to follow her passions and that she learned that “things will work out if you do your best.” Returning to Princeton as parents, the Murphys have seen changes in student life at Princeton. “The administration seems to care more for your well-being and advancement today,” Karen said. “The college system and tutoring support … all seem for the best of the students.” Tom pointed out the growing study abroad programs: “I would have enjoyed an opportunity to go abroad for a summer or semester,” he added. However, amid the changes, certain things have been lost and both Murphys lamented the loss of one of their favorite Princeton traditions: the Nude Olympics.

Time goes on within our walls, and although some things change, some will always stay the same, “I still tear up hearing or singing Old Nassau,” Karen said. Whether we are alumni, students or parents, ‘let all with one accord rejoice, in praise of Old Nassau.’

Ellyn miller, mother of alana miller ’15, found herself learning about the world of Princeton after her daughter was accepted. The Millers, who are native East Coasters, live only an hour away in Fair Lawn, N.J. Because of this, they’ve made frequent visits to campus since their daughter began attending the University. Street sat down with Ellyn to learn about her introduction to Princeton culture through the eyes of her daughter. Ellyn notes that before her daughter applied, she had “zero familiarity” with the college, “other than Einstein.”

Ellyn Miller went to SUNY Stony Brook and says of her experience at college, “I went to a big state school. The social life there was dominated by Greek life. I wasn’t in a sorority, but that was where everyone went to party.” Ellyn finds the social scene at Princeton different from her own experience, noting that eating clubs are one of the more unfamiliar traditions and that she “still [finds] the entire institution very confusing.” Ellyn, whose daughter signed in to Terrace this spring, says that Bicker “seems unnecessary,” and that she is “glad that her daughter ended up some place [that] she’s happy. Students have enough stress on them — they don’t need to subject themselves to the opinions of their peers.” Ellyn also says that her academic experience at college was different from that of her daughter’s at Princeton. “All of my classes were giant lectures, and it wasn’t until I picked a major in junior year that I was in a class that was smaller than 200 students.” She says that one of the things she doesn’t appreciate about Princeton is “the academic stress; it seems that the students are often overworked.” One of Ellyn’s favorite aspects of Princeton is the generous financial aid. She says that “it’s rare to be able to send your kid to an institution of such quality for such a low price.”