'The Tourist': Lots of pretty places, but nowhere to go

Whether a movie wants to make us laugh, cry, think, cringe or hold on to the edge of our seats is irrelevant if we don’t know how it wants us to react. Think about it this way: No one would walk out of “Schindler’s List” because it wasn’t funny enough or “Annie Hall” because it didn’t have enough action. At a certain point in a movie, we should realize what responses the movie hopes to elicit and then judge it based on how well it achieves its goal. Like it or not, this sort of expectation on the part of the viewer can make or break a movie, and in the case of “The Tourist,” it breaks it in a very unfortunate manner.

I say unfortunate because the movie does have a lot of things going for it — so much so that I might even recommend it for a few reasons. First of all, Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp are at their best, enveloping the screen every time they appear. Jolie not only looks stunning, but also exudes an element of classiness rarely seen in the characters she plays (I know, that’s not saying much compared to “Gone in 60 Seconds” or “Tomb Raider,” but still). Depp also departs from his modus operandi, playing a normal person for once, which is in stark contrast with the bizarre, eccentric characters that he usually plays. Both actors are out of their elements, yet both shine.

The movie is also a real treat to look at. Filming in the streets of Paris and the canals of Venice may be cheating when it comes to making a movie look good, but director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck (whose full name is Florian Maria Georg Christian Graf Henckel von Donnersmarck) takes full advantage of the architecture and geography of each city to great effect. Scenes like Depp’s character being chased on the roof of a Venetian hotel and the nighttime boat chase stand out in particular.

If by this point in my review I’ve convinced you to see “The Tourist,” stop reading — I don’t want to spoil your fun — because all other aspects of it are hugely disappointing.

The basic premise of the movie has a lot of potential: A random tourist is caught up in international intrigue when the lover of a wanted criminal seduces him. Her motive is to attempt to throw off the authorities and a gang of Russian hit men who are after her boyfriend. “The Tourist” could have been designed as a full-blown action movie, an action comedy, a romance movie or any conceivable combination of the three genres. Nonetheless, I was never able to figure out what the movie was intended to be. Why? Because it’s not funny, action-packed or romantic.

Most of the jokes fall horribly flat: I really only laughed a few times when Depp’s character tried to communicate with Italians by speaking Spanish. In terms of action, most of it is forgettable other than a boat scene. This brings us to romance: Because the plot centers on Jolie’s character using Depp for most of the movie, it’s not very conducive to a truly romantic encounter. Things make a bit more sense at the end, but that does not negate the detachment you feel toward the characters’ supposed romantic connection.

In short, there are without a doubt better comedies, love stories and action movies than “The Tourist” to see this holiday season, so don’t waste your time on this one.

2.5 Paws