Have you ever wondered what it would be like to watch stars from two different sports play each other in a third sport? I definitely have. Below is a description of what such an event might be like.
Hello and welcome to the first annual Dudes Playing The Sport That They Don’t Normally Play (DPTSTTDNP) Tournament. Wallace, what can we expect from our first Diptistdinpa?
Well, Reginald, let’s take a look at our lineups for the first game, the basketball game between the Major League Baseball Horse-Goblins and the National Football League Intrepid Robots.
MLB Horse-Goblins:
PG: Carl Crawford, OF. 6’2” 215 lbs. Offered a scholarship to UCLA as a point guard.
SG: Derrek Lee, 1B. 6’5” 245 lbs. Committed to UNC as a point guard before being drafted in MLB. Plays shooting guard on this team because of his height.
SF: Mark Hendrickson, SP. 6’9” 240 lbs. Played four seasons in the NBA, 114 games in all.
PF: CC Sabathia, SP. 6’7” 290 lbs. High school basketball star, also recruited as a football player.
C: Chris Young ’02, SP. 6’10” 280 lbs. The Princetonian was first-team All-Ivy as a sophomore.
G: Matt Kemp, OF. 6’3” 225 lbs. High school basketball team won state championship.
G: Randy Winn, OF. 6’2” 195 lbs. Briefly backed up basketball star Steve Nash at Santa Clara.
F: Joe Mauer, C. 6’5” 230 lbs. Was arguably the best high school baseball and football player his senior year, and also led his basketball team to a championship.
C: Jon Rauch, RP. 6’11” 290 lbs. Baseball’s tallest player gets a late-round flier to see if he can dominate the paint.
NFL Intrepid Robots:
PG: Antwaan Randle El, WR. 5’10” 185 lbs. Set single-game scoring record for Illinois high school basketball and later played at Indiana University.
SG: Randy Moss, WR. 6’4” 210 lbs. Twice West Virginia high school basketball player of the year.
SF: Antonio Gates, TE. 6’4” 260 lbs. Two-year basketball starter at Kent State, averaging 20.6 points per game as a senior.
PF: Tony Gonzalez, TE. 6’5” 243 lbs. One-year backup at Cal, averaging 6.8 points per game as a junior.
C: Julius Peppers, DE. 6’7” 283 lbs. Two-year backup at UNC, averaging 7.1 points per game as a senior in 17.6 minutes per game.
G: Donovan McNabb, QB. 6’2” 240 lbs. One-year backup at Syracuse.
G: Donald Driver, WR. 6’0” 194 lbs. I’m told he’s the best basketball player by far on the Packers; formerly an Olympic-class high jumper.
F: Terrell Owens, WR. 6’3” 224 lbs. Played college basketball at Tennessee-Chattanooga.
F: Marcus Pollard, TE. 6’3” 255. Two-year basketball starter at forward for Bradley.
F/C: Jared Gaither, T. 6’9” 340 lbs. The tallest NFL player almost played basketball for the University of South Carolina.
Going into this matchup, Reginald, I thought for sure that the NFL players would absolutely dominate, but now I’m not so sure. The Horse-Goblins are the only team here with a player (Mark Hendrickson) who actually had an NBA career, and the baseball players actually have a fairly significant height advantage. Our MLB team also has two players who were offered major scholarships as point guards.
Point well taken, Wallace. But are you really telling me that MLB pitchers can keep up with tight ends and defensive ends? Chris Young may have played well at Princeton, but there’s no way he has the quickness to keep up with Julius Peppers. I also think that CC Sabathia has a better chance of dropping dead during the game than he does of staying on Tony Gonzalez. Antonio Gates has a better basketball pedigree than anyone besides Hendrickson, and Hendrickson’s career ended 10 years ago.
That may be true, but CC’s big body in the paint is bound to be worth seven to 10 rebounds at the very least. I’m not convinced that anybody on the Robots can guard the big three pitchers height-wise, and Carl Crawford is going to cause major problems with his speed.
Wallace, it’s not a debate. The NFL players are faster, stronger and in better shape. I’m telling you, Gates, Gonzalez and Peppers are going to muscle Hendrickson and Young out of the gym and run CC to exhaustion. If they need to match up on height, Jared Gaither can own the paint. Randy Moss has unbelievable athleticism, and I’d be stunned if he had trouble taking Derrek Lee off the dribble.
Wallace’s Prediction: Horse-Goblins 82, Intrepid Robots 72. Game MVP: Mark Hendrickson.
Reginald’s Prediction: Intrepid Robots 90, Horse-Goblins 71. Game MVP: Julius Peppers.
Next week in the baseball game, the NFL Nearsighted Ninjas take on the NBA Eel-Sharpeners. Could someone like Dwight Howard learn to pitch? Which NFL and NBA players passed up being drafted in baseball’s amateur draft and now want a chance to show their stuff? Which league will reign supreme?
If only someone would make a video game to find out.
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