Column: April’s top three sports stories: Full of sizzle

Nonsense. According to a fact I just made up, three out of every four sports fans would rather end up in a bar with Jerry Jones than see Game 7 of the NBA Finals. So with that in mind, let’s get to the top three sports scandals of April.

No. 3. Trolleys: Apparently hard to miss

Talk about a rollercoaster month for the Boston College men’s hockey team. Winning the national championship during the first weekend of April, then crashing into a trolley in Boston during the last. Just to reiterate, that’s Jeep directly into trolley. Somehow, no one was hurt. But seriously, kids these days.

Perhaps the most shocking part of this story is that alcohol may have been involved — according to reports, the driver had not been drinking but a handle of Rubinoff and “blood-smeared beer cans” were found at the scene.

Equally shocking? All involved in the incident were freshmen. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

No. 2. Tim Tebow. Drafted in the first round? By the Broncos?

Scandal? Maybe not. Scandalous? You betcha. Now I don’t pretend to be an NFL expert like John Clayton, Mel Kiper or my fourth grade science teacher, but this one really makes no sense.

Denver already has a quarterback, right? That Kyle Orton feller. Sure he’s not great, but he’s serviceable. And then they just traded for Brady Quinn — also not especially talented, it would seem, but he’s a project.

So then can someone explain to me why the Broncos needed a third work-in-progress quarterback? I know he’s a “physical specimen” but second, third and fourth round draft picks for him? It seems a bit excessive.

According to ESPN.com, Tebow brings “intensity, passion for football and leadership.” You know who else can bring all those things? Me.

Intensity? You should see my focus while I’m at the ping pong table. Unparalleled.

Passion for football? Two seasons of intramural flag football. And sometimes I throw the pigskin around with a few friends, if it’s nice out and we’re not too busy.

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Leadership? One time I started a “Go Tigers!” chant at a men’s hockey game and I could’ve sworn at least two or three people joined in.

I just wish someone had told me that my accomplishments could make me a first-round draft pick. Next year, I suppose.

No. 1. Big Ben

Where to even begin on this one? Tiger Woods has to be Ben Roethlisberger’s biggest fan. The only thing worse than a long history of adultery and infidelity is multiple allegations of sexual assault. And somehow, Roethlisberger has managed to overshadow Tiger, making him the first one to do so since Thanksgiving.

Much like the Tiger scandal, the Roethlisberger scandal is especially impressive due to its longevity. Just when you think it’s over, here comes another eye witness, allegation or report on the nature of his anatomy.

Roethlisberger also gets props for having a scandal so significant that it affects his on-field capabilities (NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell suspended the Steelers quarterback for six games). Usually such penalties are reserved for vehicular homicide and dog fighting. Well done, Ben.

What’s Next?

That’s the beauty of scandals. They can come at any time from anywhere. Will your favorite owner, coach or athlete be next? Can they dominate the back page of The New York Post for three weeks in a row, overshadowing the on-field action?

We can only hope and pray.