Column: Avoiding the sports doldrums

February. it’s a month that traditionally strikes fear — or boredom — in the heart of every sports fan. Football is done, baseball hasn’t started and the basketball and hockey seasons are dragging on, seemingly with no end in sight.

Nowadays, the Super Bowl is usually played at the beginning of the month, but that doesn’t change the fact that, once the big game is over, there’s a significant lull for sports fans until March Madness gets underway nearly six weeks later.

Hell, they don’t even play the Pro Bowl in February anymore. (When will I have another chance to see Nickelback perform the national anthem before watching world-class athletes spend 60 minutes trying to avoid injuries?)

If you look closely, however, there are a few gems to keep sports fans occupied until they start filling out brackets by the dozen.

Yesterday, pitchers and catchers started reporting to MLB Spring Training. There’s nothing quite like Spring Training (clearly demonstrated by the fact that it’s the only preseason of all the major sports that gets its own special name). All the teams gather together down in Florida and Arizona, just looking to play a little ball.

It’s a time that’s full of potential, full of burning questions. Will the blue-chipper make the big-league roster? Which player is 20 pounds lighter now that he’s off the juice? Is this finally the year for the Pirates? (Okay, fine, that last one was a little far-fetched.)

Point is, it’s a time when anything is possible. Even its name sounds optimistic: Spring. Training. Ah, yes. Warm weather and good times are on the way (unless you’re a Blue Jays fan). Plus there’s no such thing as having too much Peter Gammons in your life.

This year, we’re especially fortunate because it’s a Winter Olympics year. Nice. There’s nothing quite like immersing yourself in unusual sports for two weeks and then not caring about them for another four years.

Thanks to six networks and hundreds of televised events, NBC has made it possible for all of us to waste more time in these two weeks than we will for the rest of the semester.

You know you’ve been sufficiently indoctrinated if you find yourself thinking, “Well, I feel like I should go to class, but I don’t really know if I can afford to miss this sub-group J curling prelim match between Norway and the Swedes. It’s a rivalry game!”

It’s also important not to lose track of important Olympic events of yesteryear (not that Bob Costas would let you). For example, did you know that this is the 30th anniversary of the United States winning the Cold War by beating the Reds in the “Miracle on Ice?” Might not show up that way in your history books, but it’s the truth. Just ask Costas.

Normally, I’d include golf’s Accenture Match Play Championships on this list because it’s like the country club version of March Madness. This year, however, the PGA Tour’s top player isn’t involved for reasons that have not been discussed by the New York Post, Deadspin or TMZ at all in the last four months. Makes things slightly less interesting.

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Last week, the annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue came out. In middle school, this constituted a national holiday on the same level with Christmas. Did you get the issue? Did you bring it to school? If you answered yes to both of those questions, you never had to worry about your popularity as a child ever again. People liked you. At least for one day.

You’d think that, 10 years later, things for us might have changed somewhat, that pretty girls in bikinis on glossy pages wouldn’t garner so much attention. Nope. In the words of Michael “Squints” Palledorous, “If you were thinkin’, you wouldn’ta thought that.”

Not only do pretty girls in bikinis never lose their appeal, but the recent addition of body paint to the issue’s repertoire has really upped SI’s game.

Also, do you think the timing of the issue is mere coincidence? Not a chance. Those clever bastards over at SI know sports fans have nothing to do in February and that 90 percent of the country hasn’t seen a hot girl in a bikini in nearly six months.

Speaking of which, if you’ll excuse me, I have a “date” with Brooklyn Decker.