Ruggers plan to forgo spring season, opt to focus on drinking, fundraising instead

After months of discussion, the men’s club rugby team has decided to forgo its spring season to focus on fundraising. The move comes in spite of objections from alumni and concerns from Princeton’s athletic department.

“Listen, I know this might not be the popular choice,” club president Travis Pena said. “But we have to be realistic. We know where our real talent lies.”

For the last two years, the rugby team has hosted bike-a-thons outside of Frist Campus Center to raise money for their spring trips.

“For just one second, can we call a spade a spade?” former club rugby member Benton Erwin said. “Like, we can play some rugby, sure. But let’s be honest. We can fucking fundraise like no other. Riding a fucking bike? For money? People love that shit. They say we’re ‘devoted or some shit.’ It’s awesome.”

For its part, the rugby team has recognized that fund-raising could potentially be a far more lucrative endeavor.

“Do you think we like concussions?” former rugby player Henry Loevner said. “Fuck no. I mean, it sounds cool as shit to say, “Oh yeah, I can’t drink cause I have a concussion” or some shit. But let’s be honest — I go to Princeton, I’d rather be making some bank.”

The members of the rugby team are not, however, concerned about their credibility on Princeton’s infamous “Street.”

“Truth is, we can drinky drink like nobody’s business,” Pena said. “Have you ever seen us out in front of Colonial on an early Sunday afternoon? Yeah, that’s the shit I’m talking about.”

The team raised approximately $450,000 in their latest effort, far exceeding what the Tigers needed for their trip abroad over Spring Break.

“Haha, the rest of campus is such a bunch of suckers,” Will Harsh said. “We get our money, we go on our trip, we get our drank on. They work. Isn’t that what America is all about? I fucking love the U.S. of A."

This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the internet.