Column: Favre's lust for the limelight continues

Do you think Mary from “There’s Something About Mary” has ever regretted her decision to be with Ted over Brett Favre? Ted is unemployed, has a best friend with a shoe fetish and an abnormal skin condition, and must have some nasty scars from that whole zipper incident back in high school. Meanwhile, Brett Favre is a Super Bowl champion, is a three-time league MVP, has one hell of an arm and seems to have come out of retirement more times than Michael Jordan. Yet Mary made one point clear in her decision: She’s a Niners fan.

Mary’s decision finally came back to haunt the San Francisco 49ers in their loss last Sunday to the Minnesota Vikings. Favre had been holding a grudge against Mary for the last 10 years and just now delivered a crushing blow to Niner Nation with a classic Brett Favre hurl into the end zone.

He snapped the ball with 12 seconds left in the game and made his signature scramble maneuvers with the same poise he had when he was 25. And somehow, his fifth option, wide receiver Greg Lewis, was able to hold on to a ridiculous catch at the back of the end zone. I can just picture Mary — on her couch with Ted and that crazy, way-too-tan lady — watching that play and launching that little dog at the television in anger.

I titled my 2009 Fantasy Football league “Why Won’t Favre Just Retire?” I don’t mind the fact that the guy is still playing. Obviously he can still compete at a high level, seeing as he has raked in three wins so far this season. But why did he have to be such a prima donna about the whole thing?

First he got up in front of Packer Nation, crying his eyes out and saying, “I know I can play, but I just don’t want to … It’s over.” Then he went to New York, the biggest market in the world, because he felt the need to remain in the spotlight. After failing to put together a full season of solid football in New York, he retired again. He said, “I’m done.” He promised us he would leave the league. But we should have known that he wouldn’t stay true to his word. After not making national news for a week, he figured throwing the football around at a local high school and talking about playing for the Vikings would incite speculation about a comeback and put him right back in the limelight. And he was right.

Seriously, I have never seen anyone strive to remain in the public eye more than Favre. Well, maybe Jon and Kate and their eight, but it’s a close call. It all comes back to Mary. If she had just picked Favre, we wouldn’t have to be suffering through seeing him on “SportsCenter” on a daily basis!

Favre’s heroics last Sunday secured a spot for him on “SportsCenter” every night this week because it leads perfectly into his first game against the Green Bay Packers this weekend. Can you believe that Favre will actually be playing a game against the Packers? It would be like Derek Jeter suiting up with the Boston Red Sox next year and playing in Yankee Stadium. It just doesn’t seem possible. I wouldn’t be surprised if Favre came out of the gates at halftime in a Green Bay uniform just because he misses being a Packer.

The game will be featured on “Monday Night Football” and holds serious implications for the NFC North division. The Packers are at a comfortable 2-1, while the Vikings are 3-0. The winner of this game will have a huge leg up on the other for the remainder of the season to win the division. Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers has gotten off to a decent start, putting up 700 passing yards, four touchdowns and no interceptions.

Rodgers replaced Favre as Green Bay’s quarterback last season and was compared to him week after week. He’ll break out in the Metrodome on Monday and throw multiple touchdown passes to destroy Minnesota and quiet the critics and sports analysts forever. Or at least I hope he does.

On the other hand, Favre will be playing with a heavy heart. But if the Packers get the better of the Vikings, I wonder if Favre will break out into his typical too-flamboyant celebration. Does he understand that he looks like a 14-year-old girl when he sprints around the field?

Favre shouldn’t gallop around after a touchdown against the Packers for the simple reason that Green Bay children who are still wearing their Favre jerseys, since they’re the only ones that they have, will be crushed.

Maybe Nick Barnett, the Packers’ star linebacker, will end Favre’s career for good this time in Monday’s matchup, but we can only hope. Look for Green Bay to win a close one against the Vikings. Favre’s last-minute heroics will fall short against a defense looking for revenge.