UNC blows out MSU. Yawn

In the least memorable and least enjoyable final in my memory, the University of North Carolina Tar Heels routed the Michigan State Spartans 89-72 in a game that you would have missed entirely if you’d happened to blink during the opening tip-off.

The game started at 9:21 p.m. At 9:23 p.m., UNC guard Danny Green hit a three-pointer from left of center, and by 9:26 p.m. the game was over. No late — or early — comeback and no UNC lead smaller than 13 after the first 5:35. The Spartans sniffed the lead at 3-2, and then the tornado that was the Tar Heels’ offense swept through and snatched it away forever.

This tournament featured some incredible games — Siena’s overtime victory over Ohio State and Villanova’s victory over Pitt come to mind — but the final was far from riveting. In the first half, UNC was simply too good to be entertaining, and in the second half, the Tar Heels appeared content to simply get by, abandoning their high-octane offense for one less interesting than professional bowling.

I can already hear the UNC fans grumbling, so I’ll say this up front: This column does not apply to you. Everyone loves to see their favorite team completely undress an opponent in a nationally televised championship game. Enjoy the victory: It was both emphatic and well-earned.

And it is true. As lopsided as the first half was, it was impossible not to be incredibly impressed. UNC dominated defensively and offensively, on the glass and on the arc. UNC point guard Ty Lawson’s seven first-half steals and the Spartans’ six measly points in the paint told the same story: Michigan State simply did not deserve to be on the same court as the Tar Heels. In a showdown that should feature the nation’s two hottest teams, UNC proved that there are 713 miles, three states and a Great Lake of talent between the Spartans and the best team in the country.

It was perhaps the most perfect, most fluid half of basketball I have ever seen. UNC guard Wayne Ellington was 7-9 from the floor for 17 points, and the Heels as a team shot 52.9 percent from the floor and 44.4 percent from beyond the arc. The Spartans committed 13 turnovers and were forced entirely out of their element. They were denied everything but low-percentage, long-range jumpshots by a UNC defense that smothered Michigan State’s offense like an oil spill catches unsuspecting otters.

The game’s best storyline — the Spartans’ home game in an economically drowning Detroit — was written out almost immediately. CBS announcers had it right: In a game that had such monumental ramifications not just for a school, but for a city and a state, destiny ran into a baby blue buzzsaw.

I would have loved to see the Spartans win — Detroit and Michigan deserve the lift — but Monday night it just did not seem possible. Michigan State might not have played its best 40 minutes of basketball, but watching the game you got the feeling that if Michigan State had 21 fewer turnovers and 72 more points, UNC still would have won by 17.

But despite how well UNC played in the first half, the team was far from engaging. Its defense was too stingy and its offense too methodical. I liken the first half of Monday’s game to any movie starring Meryl Streep — Streep may be an excellent actor, and she may only make good movies, but I find the combination neither interesting nor enjoyable. Aside from a few of Lawson’s steals, there was nothing flashy, just pure domination. Yawn.

And then the second half began, and things got worse. Make no mistake, the UNC team that played the second half was not the same team that ran a clinic in the first. The Tar Heels scored a tournament-record 55 first-half points but just 34 in the second half. UNC’s shooting percentage dropped from 52.9 percent in the first half to just 37 percent in the second half, and in the final 20 minutes, the Tar Heels were a dismal 61.9 percent from the free throw line.

Every time Michigan State appeared ready to make a run to awaken the quiet 72,922 fans and engage any television watchers dumb enough to still be watching, the Tar Heels kept their lead hovering around 17 points. The Spartans cut it to 13 twice, but each time UNC hopped out of cruise control just long enough to re-establish itself. After another Green three-pointer with 11:58 to play, the UNC point guard shot the Spartans a look that was all too easy to interpret: “Would you rather lose by 17 or 37? Don’t make us start playing again.”

And Michigan State opted for the former. So with a comfortable 17-point margin, both teams coasted until the final whistle. I cannot remember a second half that was less enticing or appealing. If it were not the most important game of the year, I don’t think I would have survived the second commercial break.

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In an article for cbssports.com last weekend, Gary Parrish wrote, “This is what happens when you opt to cover North Carolina’s road to the Final Four. You get bored. Nothing is suspenseful or even close, because the Tar Heels are simply too good for the rest of the country when they’re healthy and focused.”

I completely agree. So as UNC’s star-studded roster decides whether to return to school or enter the NBA draft, I find myself hoping that they leave. I miss the seasons when the NCAA finals were contested; when you could sit down with a pizza before the game and not start flipping channels before you’d finished your first slice.

Thank you, UNC, for showing us how dominant a perfect team can be. Now, kindly never do it again.