There's a whole lot to observe and nothing much to report

Remember when it was cool to go to the mall? Yeah. That time has passed, but you still know what malls mean: fat people sitting on benches, greasy food courts, noisy arcades and an abundance of high school couples' PDA. The title sequence of "Observe and Report," which is set to Bob Dylan's "When I Paint My Masterpiece," brings viewers back to the mall and reminds them why they don't go there anymore. If you pay close attention to Dylan's lyrics, you might get a clue about the film - "Oh the streets of Rome are filled with rubble ... makes you think that you're seeing double." "Observe and Report" is rubble with a side order of rubbish, a piece of trash with moments of pleasant absurdity, but mostly nothingness.

Yes. Nothingness is a key component of Jody Hill's "Observe and Report." In fact, I give it the Buddhist prize for nothingness. The protagonist is Ronnie Bonhart (Seth Rogen), a mall security guard - what is it with movies about mall security guards these days? - determined to win the heart of the trashy cosmetic counter girl, Brandi (Anna Faris) and give his life meaning. Enter the opportunity for Ronnie to succeed: the "Forrest Ridge Mall Flasher." In what is, perhaps appropriately, one of the movie's crucial scenes, Ronnie licks the back of a Polaroid picture of the Flasher's penis and sticks it on his forehead. He then announces to his colleagues, "Finding out whose penis this is is my last shot at redemption."

This might sound like a promising plot for a comedy, but do not jump to that conclusion, I beg you! The movie actually consists of unexpectedly dark and disturbing "episodes" (I use this word quite intentionally, because Ronnie is a self-confessed bipolar who's "off his meds"). "Observe and Report" is like a comic version of "Taxi Driver" on crack - if you can even wrap your head around such a concept.

Now, I'm not going to say that I didn't laugh while watching this film. I have a soft spot for darkness. A five-minute exchange of increasingly quiet "Fuck yous" between Ronnie and one of the mall vendors he harasses is comedy gold. And, I'll admit it, I'm not above the schadenfreude of a couple of "let's-have-everyone-kick-the-shit-out-of-one-another" scenes (there were several).

My favorite one involves Ronnie and a fellow security guard, Dennis (Micheal Pena), chasing a bunch of skater boys out of the mall parking lot. Driving a security golf cart. While high on coke. As if that weren't random enough, the scene ends with Ronnie breaking a skateboard over the head of one of the skinny-jean-clad teenagers who fails to escape. The movie is chock-full of these random and violent scenes, with the weapon of choice shifting from skateboards and Tasers to Mace and handguns.

But there are also several scenes that are supposedly "humorous" but actually just flat-out disgusting. Case in point: a horrendous vomit-on-the-pillow date rape scene between Ronnie and Brandi, which comes off like an advert for "Amnesty International" human rights awareness.

To help you stomach all the absurdity, the Pixies' "Where is my Mind?" is blaring during the climactic chase scene between Ronnie and the legendary Flasher. "Fight Club" - which, like "Taxi Driver," is a far superior film - also ends with this song. After all the other movie fouls "Observe and Report" commits, copy-catting a closing anthem might as well be added to the list. Maybe the shameless plagiarism can be excused, however, because after sitting through "Observe and Report," the only valid question the audience members can ask themselves is, "Where the hell is my mind?"

2 paws