Dear Sexpert,
Some of my friends have said that, to avoid losing their virginities or disappointing their boyfriends, they compromise by having anal sex. The problem is, these girls don't seem to enjoy it. I don't want them to be turned off of anal sex or vaginal sex as a result. How can anal sex be fun for both people?
- Anal Could be Fun!
Dear Fun,
You're absolutely right: Anal sex can definitely be extremely enjoyable for both people who are involved. But your friends should be careful! First of all, please make sure they know that they shouldn't do anything they're uncomfortable with so as not to disappoint their boyfriends. And if your friends are having anal sex to remain virgins, pregnancy might be a concern of theirs. If that's the case, make sure they know that they do need to use condoms, because it is quite possible for semen to drip into the vagina during anal sex. Also, there is an increased possibility of transmitting STIs from one person to another during anal sex.
Your friends may not be enjoying anal because of lubrication problems, which are fairly common. They should use a lot of lubrication to make the experience comfortable, let alone enjoyable. And I do mean a lot of lubrication. Water-based lubricants are the safest since they work well with latex condoms, unlike silicone-based lubricants.
Finally, just like there's foreplay for vaginal sex, foreplay can be a great addition to anal sex. With the use of a dental dam, people may want to try engaging in analingus, also known as rimming, to prepare the area for penetration with their tongues. Starting with a finger or two is also a good precursor to penetration. Working up to anal sex might make a big difference. So can communicating throughout about what feels good and what is painful. Going slowly, as well as pulling out slowly, is important when someone is getting used to anal sex.
I hope this is helpful! As with any other type of sexual activity, it may take a while for two people to feel comfortable and compatible, so if someone you know is interested in making it better, encourage him or her to take these steps to improve the experience.
- The Sexpert
Dear Sexpert,
I'm an underclassman, and an upperclassman friend just asked me to Houseparties. I really want to go since it sounds like it will be fun, but I have one concern: I think she likes me, and I'm not sure I feel the same way. I already said yes, but I'm now starting to have some reservations. What do I owe her for the weekend? If I'm not interested in a relationship, should I tell her I don't want to go so that she has time to find another date?
- Underwhelmed
Dear Underwhelmed,
Houseparties can definitely lead to some confusing situations, so I'm glad you asked me about this; it's probably a source of frustration and uncertainty for many people every year. Here's what you do owe your friend: a respectful, fun date. Use good table manners, get her a small present (flowers are always nice), be attentive during dinner, and be nice to her other friends. And if you have a good time, your date will have a better time too, so try to have fun and enjoy the event.
What you don't owe your friend is anything romantic or sexual that you aren't interested in giving her. While there is a chance she might be disappointed that you don't feel the same way about her, she wouldn't want you to do anything out of obligation either.
If you feel comfortable doing so, you can have a talk with her prior to the first night and let her know that you're really happy to go with her, but that you're there as her friend. You can certainly offer to pay for yourself or to split the cost of the weekend; it's a nice gesture, since you'll be enjoying the festivities, too. It might also make you feel more comfortable and less like you owe your date anything.
And last of all, don't forget to have fun.
- The Sexpert
‘Sexpert' is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com.
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