Ever wonder about those Princetonians who liked college so much they decided to never leave? Our anonymous grad student has the answers. In this issue: all about precepts.
Q: I'm 15 minutes late for precept! What do I do?
A: Don't ask a columnist who only gets published once every two weeks.
Seriously, though:
Step 1: Walk in quietly, but don't pretend we can't see you. Grad students are oblivious, not blind.*
Step 2: Do not apologize profusely as soon as you enter the room. You've already been sufficiently disruptive.
Step 3: Do apologize after precept. Most of us won't care that much, but we appreciate knowing that you feel bad.
Step 4: Don't do it again.
*And blind grad students generally have a heightened sense of hearing, so you're still screwed.
Q: Do preceptors really know when we've done the readings? I feel like I can bullshit my way through most class discussions, and the preceptor never even notices.
A: I always get a sick joy out of the consummate bullshitter (CBSer). The CBSer walks confidently into precept. He (but sometimes she) very conspicuously takes out all of the assigned books and articles and arrays them on the table in front of him to suggest a strong command of the literature. As I introduce the first reading, the CBSer nods knowingly. When I ask the day's first question, the CBSer jumps at the chance to volunteer, pausing for dramatic effect before dropping knowledge on the world. And then the CBSer says something so spectacularly wrong that anyone who so much as browsed the day's assignment would know he (or she) is a total idiot.
You might sense the floor vibrating slightly after a truly consummate bullshitter (TCBSer) speaks. That's either the impotent rage of the preceptor or, for older readings, the author spinning in his or her grave.
So yeah, we know. We'd really like to call you out on it, too, but you punks write our teaching evaluations, so we usually restrain ourselves. "That's interesting. Did anyone else have a different take?" we'll say, hoping that the Socratic method will get us out of this one. It usually doesn't work: The confidence of the CBSer gives an air of authority to the bullshit, and the few who do the readings don't have the guts to challenge it. The class discussion will develop based on the CBSer's totally incorrect original statement, with the end result ranging from "wrong" to "offensive to the pursuit of knowledge." And a little part inside me dies.
Revenge comes in the form of your participation grade.
Here's a dirty secret: us grad students don't always get to the reading either. But we've been studying this stuff intensely for years. We've already seen most of the stuff on the syllabus, and if we haven't read the specific article in question we know enough of the related literature to have a pretty good idea of what it says.
We can bullshit, because we bullshit based on a foundation of actual knowledge. You can't.
"Ask a Grad Student" is written by a Ph.D. student. His name is withheld because, well, it should be pretty obvious from this week's column.
Have a question about grad student life? E-mail street@dailyprincetonian.com
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