Ask The Sexpert — Feb. 26, 2009

Dear Sexpert,

What is the best way to spice up a blowjob?

-Spicy

Dear Spicy,

First things first: Oral sex for men and women is already a pretty "spicy" experience. The tongue is a much more malleable organ and provides a wider variety of sensation than either the penis or vagina.

The best way, then, to spice up a blow job or cunnilingus would be to take advantage of this! Change the rigidity of your tongue on the sensitive parts of your partner's sex organ - make your tongue harder or softer, make the movements faster or slower, move the tongue in circles or lines. Remember to ask your partner what feels good for him or her. If that feels awkward in the moment, simply listen and feel for clues. It's usually not that hard to tell when your partner is enjoying something.

If this wasn't exactly the advice you were looking for, feel free to experiment. The most common suggestions usually involve different textures or temperatures. Bring an ice cube or some cold water to bed, and rub or drip it onto your partner's sex organ. The shock of cold followed by the warmth of your tongue will provide an even more stimulating experience by causing the nerves to be on "high alert" before contact. Or try using a feather to tickle your partner before going down on your partner. Tickling will again make all your partner's nerves stand at attention and will ultimately help lead to a stronger orgasm. These tips should get you started, but don't be afraid to try out your own.

-The Sexpert

Dear Sexpert,

My boyfriend's best female friend is a nightmare. She has been causing problems in our relationship since day one, from calling him multiple times during our Valentine's Day date to assuring him that, while I might be some temporary fling, she'll "always be there." I trust that he's not romantically interested in her, but I don't understand what she's trying to do to our relationship.

-Caught Between Friends

Dear Caught,

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While it may be tempting to take over a circumstance like this one, remember that this is your boyfriend's friend, so he ultimately has to be the one to handle the situation. The first thing you need to remember is that your significant other is allowed to have friends of the opposite sex - and that these friends are not necessarily a threat. That said, this situation seems a bit more serious. It is possible that your boyfriend's best friend has feelings for him, though she could also just feel threatened because she's been replaced as the most important female in his life.

The first thing to do is re-evaluate how much time you spend with your boyfriend. His friend may feel that she never gets to see him because you're always around. Remember the old adages "chicks before dicks" and "bros before hos"? The message there is not to forget your friends just because you have someone new in your life. Perhaps if you give your boyfriend more time to hang out with his pals, this friend won't interrupt the time you two are spending together. It's all about sharing.

If you choose to speak to her, be sure to meet in a neutral space - not your room, not her room - and calmly explain how you feel without getting worked up. If she wants to tell you her side of the story, listen. She may feel that her actions are justified by causes that, once out in the open, can be remedied. Then again, maybe not.

But remember, while it is your prerogative to tell your partner that his friend's antics are bothering you, once you do so you have to take a back seat. Ultimately, she may only listen to your partner anyway, and it's not worth it for you to place yourself in the middle of what is fundamentally an issue between friends.

With any luck, this will all blow over in no time. And, hey, you may even become friendly with this "other woman" once you both take a step back from the situation.

-The Sexpert

'Sexpert' is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!