Ask The Sexpert — Feb. 19, 2009

Dear Sexpert,

I'm having a hard time reaching orgasm when I'm with my partner. I'm afraid that it might be related to my vibrator use. Is this possible?

- Overstimulated

Dear Overstimulated,

It is true that using a vibrator can affect a person's ability to climax. No penis or tongue can ever completely replicate the feeling of a vibrator, which can target the exact spot that the user desires it to and can be made harder, softer, faster or slower at will. Working with another person requires significant communication, and your partner will never be a tireless vibrating machine.

I don't want you to swear off your vibrator forever. A vibrator can be a great way for individuals to figure out what turns them on: A vibrator can't have its feelings hurt, it never gets tired, and it doesn't want to talk or cuddle afterwards.

But if you are having trouble climaxing with your partner, you should unplug your electronic friend and get back to the unenhanced basics. It might take some time, but by taking a break from the vibrator, you should become more involved in your orgasm with your partner.

- The Sexpert

Dear Sexpert,

I really like a girl, but she doesn't know my name! I'm a shy person, and I never make the first move. In fact, I've never had a girlfriend before or done anything with a girl, for that matter. What should I do?

- Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

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There is nothing wrong with being shy. All of us can be pretty shy under certain circumstances. But that doesn't mean you should avoid making the first move.

I'm not going to go on a diatribe about how far too few people at Princeton - boys and girls alike - have the guts to make the first move. But if you are interested in someone, you should do something about it. It doesn't have to be grandiose; it doesn't have to be cute or crazy. It just has to be something.

You say this girl doesn't know your name. Introduce yourself. If you're in class together, you could sit next to her and introduce yourself. If you're in the same eating club or residential college, sit at her table one day and make conversation. That's all it takes.

And I will say this: Don't be anxious about your "inexperience" in this field. Everyone comes to college with different levels of experience, sexual and otherwise. This means that it should not make you nervous that having a girlfriend or being sexually intimate with someone is new to you. It was new to everyone at one point. You might be surprised to discover that you are not the only one for whom this is foreign ground.

Now, I'll let you in on a little secret: Everyone's a little shy when meeting people whom they like. Everyone. Just go with the flow and be yourself. I'm not telling you that this is going to go perfectly. But if you never do anything, I can almost guarantee that nothing will ever happen.

And, hey, enough people don't make the first move on this campus. You'll definitely win major bonus points if you do. I know that I would be impressed.

- The Sexpert

"Sexpert" is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!