Coach Hughes sees shadow, delays spring practice six weeks

“We’re all really confused,” junior running back Jordan Culbreath said. “It wasn’t even sunny out.”

Senior linebacker Collin McCarthy was also confused by Hughes’ decision.

“None of [the seniors] really understood a lot of the decisions he made,” he said. “That the coaches are suddenly going to go easier this spring makes no sense, especially after what we heard about the ‘boot and rally relays’ of last week.”

Punxsutawney Phil, the world’s most famous groundhog and top weather predictor was shocked at Hughes’ audacity at stealing the routine.

“That fucking poser,” Phil said. “I’ve been doing this for 123 years now, and to think that he could know when spring would start is an insult. I’d like to see him star opposite Bill Murray.”

When asked for the reasoning behind the decision, Hughes declined to comment, though he did explain that “the Ivy League is like the NFL,” and that he hopes “when [his players] need to make a decision, they make the right one.”

Others wonder if Hughes’ decision isn’t in response to feeling bad about his former team, Dartmouth, losing all 10 of its games this year, making sure the Detroit Lions weren’t the only team to go defeated in 2008.

“I mean, we could definitely use all the help we can get,” Dartmouth head coach Buddy Teevens said.

Delaying spring practice will mean that the Tigers won’t start practicing on the field together until reading period. As such, some are raising questions as to the legality of Hughes’ decision.

“I mean, I’m sure it’s ok with the NCAA to delay spring practice,” sophomore and ex-sprint football player Joey Cheek said. “I’m just not sure it’ll fly with the Ivy League. Good luck, dude.”

The most likely reason for the six-week delay is that it will put the “Orange and Black” game during Reunions, allowing drunken alumni the chance to donate to the Friends of Princeton Football.

This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the internet.