'Australia,' aspiring for epic status, fails

In "Romeo + Juliet" and, to an extent, in "Moulin Rouge!" this directing style worked because both films were originally stage productions that required elaborate theatrical treatment. The story in Luhrmann's newest effort, "Australia," is equally theatrical when it ought to be rooted in reality to capture the raw passion of intimacy and love Luhrmann strives to put onscreen. "Australia," in its overdone manner, is like an oversized serving of food: You start eating with enthusiasm and enjoyment, but by the last bite - nearly three hours later - you've come to regret your choice.

The film's marketing department has already done a fantastic job of exposing the whole plot. The two-minute trailer condenses the three-hour epic to the point that there's really no need to go watch the film itself. The dramatically voiced captions in the trailer, interspersed with scenes from the film, leave nothing to the imagination: "Two People ... From Different Worlds" (Scenes of tension building between an uptight, aristocratic Nicole Kidman and a wild, cowboy Hugh Jackman) - "Their Bond ... Defied the Rules" (Nicole and Hugh get it on) - "Their love ... defied destiny" (Cue Japanese fighter jets and destruction. Scenes of the two lovers running around alone amid burning houses. Cut to them locked in embrace). Oh, and let's not forget, there is a little half-Aboriginal kid loitering around as well.

Though the movie claims to be a tribute to the Aboriginal children who were mistreated by English settlers during the colonial period in Australia, the overt attempt to depict Aboriginal culture ultimately feels forced and alien from the rest of the film. It's easy to forget you're watching a film set Down Under and fall into the misconception that you're watching a film about Native Americans instead. I am quite disappointed that this film, directed by a man born and bred in the land itself, depicts Aboriginal culture in a romanticized and mythical form that functions as an appeasement to Western Xenophiles. The culture is so intangible and divorced from reality that it's hard to sympathize with the Aboriginal characters.

The Aboriginal aspect of the film is also almost entirely undermined by the presence of disparate plotlines. There is just too much going on in this movie: the romance between Lady Sarah Ashley (Kidman) and the Drover (Jackman); computer-generated scenery and kangaroos for Discovery Channel enthusiasts; a one-dimensional evil character who wants to be king of the world (David Wenham as Neil Fletcher); and World War II scenes full of explosions and action. Who needs to go around the world in 80 days? Everything is in "Australia"!

In an exhausting three hours, it feels like Luhrmann wants to drag the audience through all movie genres in a whirlwind to Oz, only to masquerade "Australia" as a deep and meaningful film about the early wrongdoings of the Europeans.

The acting is mediocre and rather disappointing. I have always been ambivalent toward Kidman and have never found her acting as compelling as others have. In other movies, her rigid (Botox-ed?) expressions and the sound of her soft but perennially distressed voice often provoke a strong sense of annoyance within me. That Oscar she won? Let's credit that to the prosthetic nose she wore in "The Hours." Nonetheless, her acting style is useful in her role as an English noblewoman initially disgusted with the untamed lifestyle of the outback but who soon comes to love its unruliness.

Jackman's scruffy good looks and devilish charisma are akin, I daresay, to that of Cary Grant back in Hollywood's Golden Age. Usually, watching him perform is like sipping Bailey's with a straw ... He is always so smooth! Though he isn't awful in "Australia," I did not feel any sympathy or attachment to his character apart from his being great eye-candy.

The use of blatantly good or evil stock characters is boring and inane. Watching "Australia" was like entering Louis XIV's court and encountering countless people dressed up in gaudy Rococo clothing, only to see that behind the extremely powdered noses and the three-foot-high hair, were undernourished, bland individuals.

Regardless, "Australia" can be quite entertaining and does have its moments as a cinematic extravaganza meant to bring you into the imaginary world of Oz-zieland. Unfortunately for Luhrmann, who was born 50 years too late into a world in which both the film industry and audiences favor realistic and gritty film representations, his elaborate Hollywood spectacle is nothing but anachronistic idealism.

3 out of 5 Paws

Pros: Accents and explosions!

Cons: Bloated affair with too much lace on its trimmings.