Well, we may not have fancy eating clubs, an all-white graduating class or Dr. Gregory House here; life in West Philly is a little simpler and a lot less pretentious. But now, almost two years later, I think I understand what it’s like to be a Tiger.
What it’s like to score 30 points in a game.
What it’s like to lose to Cornell and Columbia in the same weekend.
What it’s like to have a Ratings Percentage Index that begins with the number three (and no, it’s not in the 30s).
Frankly, it sucks.
So I will make this promise: Princeton, I won’t make fun of you tomorrow. I won’t compare Lincoln Gunn to an excretory orifice. I won’t join in the “Hey!” song after we win 46-32.
And in return for my keeping my promise, all I ask of you is to be as good as we will be in a couple years.
Some (ok, all) Quakers fans may recoil in horror at this deal with the Devil. But I assure you it’s all done with good reason.
That “good reason?”
Because all of the pain this year has made me realize how much we here at Penn — and the whole Ivy League — need Princeton.
Penn-Cornell, Penn-Brown, Penn-Columbia … they just don’t have the same ring. Like Sherlock Holmes has Moriarty or Spiderman has Doctor Octopus, Penn has Princeton.
More than that, everyone needs us to be good. Nobody will care when Cornell wins this season.
Do you think the students up in Boston will pick their heads up from their clam chowder to hear that Tommy Amaker has snagged another top recruit thanks to Harvard’s introduction of athletic scholarsh … erm, I mean, new financial aid policies?
Nope.
Sadly, Penn and Princeton are both languishing near the bottom of the league this season. But at least we’re doing it together.
That’s always how it’s been done. It makes me a little teary-eyed, when I’m at the Palestra and I look up at all of our Ivy League Championship banners and know that Princeton was right behind us.
The two Ps, finishing one and two. Win and place. That’s how it should be done. Together. So let’s all make an effort tonight to get better.
But give us a break, eh? Because, let’s face it: You guys really suck.
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