'Universe' is the Worst

Ever since casting calls for extras went out to Princeton's listservs last year, expectations for the new Beatles movie musical have been high. But for all of you who excitedly nudged your friends during previews of "Across the Universe," eagerly watching for flashes of Rocky and Blair Arch and salivating at the idea of a youth-geared musical filled with Beatles tunes you know and love ... you may want to stop reading now.

"Across the Universe" is, to put it bluntly, a failure. Julie Taymor, the film's director, is best known for her direction of Broadway's "The Lion King" and the Salma Hayek film "Frida." And the film — stylistically a combination of "Moulin Rouge" and "Big Fish" — is visually appealing, with great cinematography, including rich, wild color schemes, but it doesn't make up for the vacuous screenplay.

Here's the rundown: Boy goes to America to find his estranged father. Boy meets girl. Girl's brother is drafted to fight in the Vietnam War. Girl becomes angry, righteous peace activist. Passion and tension escalate, until (guess what?) something goes awry.

The two-and-a-quarter hour movie is two hours too long. The plot is virtually nonexistent; scenes are strung together by awkwardly placed Beatles songs.

Perhaps the most inept song placement occurs when Prudence, a high school cheerleader, breaks into song about something that has nothing to do with the plot. She sings "I Wanna Hold Your Hand," crooning despairingly to a pretty cheerleader as football players tackle one another in slow motion around her. Then, suddenly, the scene is over — and it's as if it never happened.

Many of the scenes, in fact, seem so drug-induced that they don't even make sense within the context of the movie. The visuals are apparently meant to stun the audience, rather than to add to the movie.

Character development is also absent — perhaps because the actors have almost no lines. The only glimpses we get of the characters are through the Beatles songs, and these are so forced that the audience often either laughed or groaned when the music started.

While acting is weak all around, Evan Rachel Wood as Lucy gives a very strong vocal performance. Wood has a beautiful, versatile voice that ranges from gritty to angelic. Martin Luther is also a very talented singer, and his singing gives some much-needed relief to the dry plot.

Much like the incorporated songs, the choreography is absurd. Even during occasional attempts to inject some depth into the numbers, such as when the draftees walk through Vietnam bearing the Statue of Liberty on their backs, bringing to mind Jesus carrying the crucifix, the choreographic references are so blatant and so tasteless as to be cringe-worthy.

The movie is clearly about the Beatles songs — the weak plot is just a halfhearted attempt to slap them together. And while the source materials may be classics, the movie's interpretations are not as good as the originals and are made much worse by their forced incorporation into a storyline overrun with cliches. Perhaps Taymor thought that if she oversaturated the film with wild, eye-popping visuals, the lack of plot wouldn't matter. In reality, though, the visuals only add to the confusion and make the film more excruciating to sit through.

You're probably going to see the film anyway. You probably can't imagine it's all that bad; the trailer, after all, was so arresting, and you've been waiting to see it forever. But I'm telling you, for your sakes, just don't. It's a waste of time and money and is a terrible disappointment. If I hadn't been reviewing the film, I'd have left 20 minutes into it. I'd buy a Beatles CD instead.