'Your column is a disgrace'

I decided when I wrote my first column that I would never write about anything that could be construed as serious or important. A column about crappy cell phone reception in Princeton? I'm on it. Everyone knows T-Mobile's horrible at Princeton. Laundry room etiquette? Why not ... some bastard did put my wet laundry on the floor that week. Want me to write about Chabad obtaining a chaplaincy? Um, what's a chaplaincy? I decided I'd try to stick to the simple things. You know, do my part to spread a little sunshine into your lives.

Surely, my innocent little columns couldn't upset anyone ... right? Wrong. Let's look at a cheery email complaint that I received regarding a column I wrote last year describing the "college-ness" of my junior year dorm room. Wrote a less-thanhappy English professor, "The column you published this morning in The Daily Princetonian is a disgrace." The angry professor was apparently disturbed by my suggestion of drinking gin and Hershey's syrup for breakfast. Um, that's like, totally normal. He invited me to attend his office hours (yeah, right) to discuss my inappropriate behavior. Oh, by the way, his email was CC'd to Dean of the College Nancy Malkiel and Public Safety. Yikes!

Another professor wrote a letter to the editor regarding my column "The Three-Day Weekend." This less-than-happy psychics professor described me as a standing example for grade deflation and as a student who has treated college as a "paid vacation." Man, I didn't realize I was such a champion of Malkiel's cause. A Rutgers professor once wrote to me to why I had chosen Puerto Rico as an example of a warm weather destination. She also suggested that I tell the 'Prince' artist who had drawn a picture of a Mexican sombrero that Puerto Rican hats are called pavas, not sombreros. Duh. Didn't they teach all of us that in second grade? Hey, ya learn something new every day.

So, if you're thinking it's just professors who've admonished me, think again. Some of my jokes have not flown over well with members of certain sports teams and certain eating clubs. For specifics, please refer to my most recent column. I have made a sincere promise to the leader of one of these organizations that I will refrain from mentioning his group ever again. Besides, I'm still waiting to be "checked to the ground" by the author of a recent letter to the editor. Better watch yourself, little man. I think that counts as assault.

But of course, not all of my feedback has been so dreary and negative. Every once in a while, I get some serious love. One email from a freshman parent mentioned that she loved my article and my style. That's right, mah style, baby. A recent alum was able to relate to my column about walking out to the Street and recalled the games of "chicken" that he used to play on his way to dinner. Associate Director of Campus Recreation David Leach was pleased that I portrayed Dillon in a positive light and invited me to stop by his office. And, of course, my roommates, buddies and parents usually tell me that they enjoy reading my rambles. They help keep the self-esteem bubble inflated.

Writing columns for the 'Prince' has been one of my favorite activities over the past few years. I certainly like to talk a lot, and it's a beautiful thing to be able to write about any stupid old thing I want. So keep the comments coming — it's always interesting to see what pops up in my inbox on the day my columns go to print. I'm not trying to piss you off, and I'm definitely not fishing for compliments. I'll be very happy to reply to your emails, but I can't promise that I'll stop by your office hours. Neel Gehani is an ORFE major from Summit, N.J. He can be reached at ngehani@princeton.edu.