Giant clubhouse is retirement home for MLB

A few days ago, I turned on the TV only to be greeted by clips of San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds taking batting practice before a game against the division-rival Arizona Diamondbacks.

I fired up my computer, and on the front page of ESPN.com there was a large headline that read, "BREAKING NEWS: BONDS HITS 740th HOME RUN."

I clicked over to CNN.com, thinking there was no way the Barry Bonds media frenzy would follow me to the home of a reputable news outlet. To my horror, directly underneath the top story about Alberto Gonzales and his misunderstood ways, there lay the following caption:

"Slugger Bonds Hits Home Run; 15 Away from Record."

Am I the only one who would rather be tied to a chair and forced to watch Boston Red Sox outfielder Johnny Damon do his famous naked pull-ups than hear another story about the great Barry Bonds? Breaking a historic record should not be glazed over, but the front page of CNN.com? Really?

Now that it is baseball season, sports fans will thankfully be spared from the daily Terrell Owens news piece. For the next six months, however, we will be subjected to a constant peppering of articles and television segments about Barry and his race to Hank Aaron's Major League-record 756 career home runs. And there's no way around it.

With Bonds soaking up the spotlight in San Francisco, the rest of his teammates on the Giants are left to toil in relative anonymity. While this has helped divert attention from the exorbitant contract given to pitcher Barry Zito in the off-season, the ongoing Barry Bonds saga has caused us to gloss over one of the most intriguing stories of the 2007 season: the increasingly ancient Giants lineup.

With only two position players on the roster under the age of 31 — a backup catcher and a fourth outfielder who have a combined 641 career at-bats — the Giants are in a unique, and unenviable, position. Their five best hitters are all 35 or older, and shortstop Omar Vizquel has been around so long that he actually remembers a time before baseball gloves were used in the pros. (The next time you see him bare-hand a normal groundball, you'll know why.)

To put all this in perspective, the oldest starter for the Florida Marlins, Joe Borchard, is 28 years old, and he will likely be relegated to the bench once 23-year-old Jeremy Hermida returns from the disabled list. Perhaps more impressive is the fact that only two members of the Marlins entire roster are over the age of 31, and as backups, neither will see many at-bats over the course of the season.

Due to general manager Brian Sabean's irrational belief that high draft picks are rarely worth their cost, the Giants' farm system, unlike that of the Marlins, continues to churn out fewer position players than any other team in the majors. This has left 16-year-old phenom Angel Villalona as the best non-pitching prospect in their farm system, and while he may certainly provide dividends in the future, it is extremely rare for any player to have an impact before the age of 21.

This means that when Bonds inevitably retires or falls apart, there is simply no help on the horizon. The Giants will be left again to sign overpriced free agents to fill out their roster, and they will fall further out of contention every year.

Though youth is not necessary to engender a winning atmosphere, it certainly helps fill the holes that inevitably arise due to injury as the grueling 162-game season unfolds. Without such replacements — and with a mediocre lineup to begin with — the Giants will be in no position to contend for a spot in the playoffs this year.

Get the best of the ‘Prince’ delivered straight to your inbox. Subscribe now »

If the Giants are indeed headed for another mediocre finish, San Francisco's aging roster leaves us with more interesting concerns than Barry Bonds, BALCO or the Giants' final record. We have to ask: With all its veterans, what would it be like to be a member of the Giants clubhouse?

Most locker rooms blare the latest rock, hip hop or salsa music. Do you think the Giants listen to anything more recent than Earth, Wind & Fire? Maybe some MC Hammer? Or the Beastie Boys?

What happens during rain delays? Do players sit around the table playing canasta and telling stories about Dwight Eisenhower? If the delay lasts more than a few minutes, do they ever have to cancel the game because it runs past their bedtime?

What's in the clubhouse medicine cabinet that used to be marked "For Barry Only"? Rather than the standard anti-inflammatories and ice packs, is the training room now full of prostate medications, hemorrhoid ointments and pamphlets providing information on colonoscopies?

As the architect of this elderly lineup, Sabean must evaluate talent differently from other general managers. When he looks at 39-year-old Phillies reliever Tom Gordon, does he think, "Who's this young stud?"

These are the types of things I think about. It's a long baseball season, and in between the two weekend Red Sox-Yankees series, sometimes it is important to realize that there actually are other teams in Major League Baseball.

So now, the next time you watch the Giants, you won't have to suffer through all the talk of Bonds and his "flaxseed oil." As the stories pile up this summer about Bonds, BALCO and the home run record, distract yourself with musings about the retirement home that is the Giants clubhouse. And let me know if you come up with any good ones.