Ask the Sexpert

Dear Sexpert,

It seems like everybody "hooks up" at Princeton. What exactly do they do? Are they all having sex? Why is everyone so comfortable with this idea? I feel like I'd rather have a relationship, but it seems like all anybody wants is to hook up. What's going on?

— Hook Me Up

Dear Hook Me Up,

To answer your question, we consulted with Brittany Vargas '08, who is writing her senior thesis on the hookup culture. Here's what she had to say:

'The "hookup" culture is becoming increasingly common on college campuses, though the term itself is ambiguous. A hookup is defined differently by different people, but it is essentially an intimate encounter involving anything from cuddling, kissing, fondling and mutual masturbation to oral sex to intercourse. It usually occurs between two people who are not in a relationship and possibly do not even know each other, and who have no apparent intention of having a future relationship.

'Some people may find the looseness of the term convenient when describing their hookup experiences because it insinuates sexual activity but not the details of the encounter. The term can imply a range of behaviors, and perhaps this is appealing to students who live in a world where sex is prevalent and expected to be a part of their lives. It is easy to either exaggerate or downplay what actually happened.

'You are not alone in feeling discomfort with the hookup scene on campus. Luckily, things are probably not as bad as you (or a lot of us) think. It's easy to feel that everyone is doing something that you're not doing. But that's not necessarily the case.

'Psychologists use the term "pluralistic ignorance" to describe the misperception that one's private attitudes and beliefs do not agree with those of others. Pluralistic ignorance is applicable to many situations on college campuses, from not asking a question in class because everyone else seems to understand the lecture, to viewing certain drinking habits and sexual behaviors as normal because it appears that everyone else accepts them. Research has shown that most students will rate their peers as being more comfortable with the drinking and sexual norms on campus than they themselves are. Many people think that everyone else is comfortable with the hookup scene, and they do not want to feel at odds with their peers, so they engage in hooking up as well. Really, though, these perceptions of "everyone" doing something (and being comfortable with it!) are usually very different from reality, especially when the words used to describe the behavior are defined by different people in such different ways.

'Rest assured that there are other students who would rather be in relationships, and plenty of people aren't interested in hooking up for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it may seem like these people don't exist, but they're out there, I promise! You might just be looking in the wrong places — if Thursday or Saturday night at the Street is too much of a "hookup" scene, try asking out that cute guy or girl in your precept — you never know who's looking for the same thing you are.'

I hope that I "hooked you up" with information about hooking up — and remember, whatever sexual decisions you make (abstinence, sexual activity, hooking up, monogamy, etc.), they should always be your decisions. Don't feel pressured by your roommates' tall tales — what you do with your body should always be up to you.

— The Sexpert

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"Sexpert" is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions, to be published anonymously every Thursday, to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!