Dear Sexpert,
How does a woman know when she's fertile during her cycle? Are there times when I wouldn't be able to get pregnant? Are there times when I definitely will get pregnant?
— Periodically Perplexed
Dear Perplexed,
A woman is most fertile during ovulation. This is the time during her cycle when an egg is released by the ovary. There are subtle ways to determine whether or not you're ovulating, including changes in the cervix or the mucus produced by the cervix, new pain or changes in your basal body temperature, which is how warm you are right after you wake up (this might fluctuate by around half a degree Fahrenheit). None of these methods of determining when you're ovulating are particularly reliable, and often a woman's cycle isn't regular enough for her to be able to predict when she will ovulate at all. I would definitely recommend using protection even if you're trying to predict when you're ovulating.
There are times during a woman's cycle when she can't get pregnant; that is, when the egg is no longer viable. Determining when this has happened, however, isn't as simple or easy as counting the days from the last period. The majority of women have 25- to 35-day cycles and typically ovulate about 14 days before their next period (which lasts anywhere from 2 to 8 days). Some women, though, may ovulate at less regular times during the cycle. Ovulation does not occur a predictable number of days after menstruation begins. Moreover, sperm can live as long as five days in a woman's reproductive tract while waiting for the release of the egg.
— The Sexpert
Dear Sexpert,
I'm a sophomore who's still a virgin. I do want to be sexually active, but it just seems like there hasn't been the opportunity or the right person yet. Have I lost precious time and/or experience having gone this long?
— The 20-year-old virgin
Dear 20-year-old virgin,
First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at your age. What you said about not having found the right opportunity is really important. There's no problem if you haven't found the right person or opportunity for whatever reason. Your first time is something that should happen when you feel like you're ready, and when you're at the right place physically, mentally and emotionally, both as an individual and with your partner.
I urge you not to feel pressured by what you think your peers are doing sexually. First of all, you might not know what they are really doing. Even that roommate who always seems to be sexiling you might not be getting as much as it seems. It's important to realize that people exaggerate stories of their sexual exploits — and even whether they've had sex at all — all the time. So don't, under any circumstances, feel like you're the only one at Princeton, or even the only one of your friends, who is still a virgin. I'm sure you'd be very surprised to learn the truth.
More importantly, losing your virginity is not a race. You don't want to rush into a decision only to regret it later. If you think you are ready to be sexually active, then do what feels comfortable with future partners. Remember, though, that your decision never has to be final — even if you postered all of Frist announcing your desire to lose your virginity, you don't need to stick by that desire with every partner. You may decide to wait for a different partner for your first time or rethink your decision altogether. Even people who have already had sex sometimes go back to abstinence for a variety of reasons.
The bottom line is that sexual decisions should always make you completely comfortable, so listen to yourself every step of the way. And if you do decide to have any kind of sexual contact, make sure you protect yourself.
Finally, you haven't lost precious time or experience. Of course, you learn best by doing, but there is plenty of time to learn. Though it may not seem like it, you're still very young. Besides, being comfortable in the sexual experiences you have will make it a thousand times more fun for both partners than being uncomfortable because of the bad or regrettable experiences under your belt (so to speak).
Sex should be something special that makes you happy and comfortable. For some people, that means sex after marriage. For others, that means sex in a relationship. For others still, that means fun, safe hooking-up. There's no right answer except whatever answer is right for you (and your future partner[s]) If and when you do choose to lose your virginity, just be sure to do it safely. I can't emphasize enough how much you need to use protection for any sex act.
— The Sexpert
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