The Dead Zone: Cell phone reception in Princeton

It was a cold, dark and downright frightening January night — Edgar Allan Poe style. Bundled up in layers, frost forming at his lips, a brave Princeton student exited his dorm room and trudged through three feet of snow. Finally, as he inched along, he was able to whisper the magical words of the night: "Hello Mom ... can you hear me? I don't get service in my room."

This young lad, like thousands of his fellow Princetonians, is forced to endure the dreadful cell phone service in the Princeton area. Or, as I like to call it, surviving in ... The Dead Zone (insert ominous gong sound here).

A recent study rated Princeton students as the "Most Likely to be Caught Leaning out their Windows." On a side note, Princeton students were also recognized as the "Most Likely to be Freaked out by Mathematics Graduate Students' Mittens."

But it really is true, this cell phone service business. One of my roommates spends an hour a day sitting on the windowsill with his head sticking out the window and his bum straight up in the air. Another roommate used to spend his winters bundled up, strolling around the Butler quad in spiral sequences, making intricate patterns in the snow as he talked on the phone.

Either I have roommates who suffer from peculiar psychological disorders or the cell service is really that bad.

All these shenanigans are the result of The Dead Zone. No cell phone service in the room. It's kind of funny that we now have wireless Internet service in our rooms, but few of us have cell phone service. I feel like I should bust out some masking tape and put X's on the four randomly scattered spots on the floor where I do actually get service.

Now, I understand that this lack of cell phone service is not the fault of the University. There is some issue with the town which is being discussed, and, in fact, there is a possibility that a cell phone tower will be built in the near future. But, my friends, this is not a time to try to explain or justify the problem. Just fix it.

In my time at Princeton, I've had more trouble trying to find a signal than Cottage has had trying to find bickerees. Visitors have expressed a similar sense of dismay when they have come to Princeton.

Liz Brandwood, a member of the Yale Class of 2007, showed no mercy when describing the problem. Says Liz, "I came to campus for a visit, and I was totally appalled. For those important enough to require constant communication with their network of friends and acquaintances, Princeton is a veritable Pit of Despair. You may have better financial aid and a significantly scarier mascot, but Yale's cell phone reception has you eating our technological dust. Keep that in mind, Class of '10." Alright, I guess we'll let the Yalies get a little dig in once in a while. We can't really prevent them from being jealous. After all, we can just hack into their admissions office computers whenever we please.

Most of us are fed up with our cell phone screens mocking us with their exclamations of "Call Failed!", "Call Lost!" or the ever frustrating "No Service!" It's awful. I mean, I suppose we are lucky to live on a campus where our worst problems are cell phone service, grade inflation policy, Butler housing and (gasp!) Frist PhD salad prices. But let's get this cell phone business taken care of. Heck, I'm all for popping the Princeton Bubble if it will let some signal waves into The Dead Zone! Neel Gehani is an ORFE major from Summit, N.J. He can be reached at ngehani@princeton.edu.