Selections from a true classic in the canon of second person literature, Choose Your Own Adventure #717, Wild Weekend Weather:
Page 1
It is fall of the year 2005. You are a student at critically acclaimed Princeton University in what used to be the Northeast US, but has in recent years dissolved into a squabbling group of autonomous collectives known as "The Syndicate." You just finished a challenging week of classes and/or rushing and are thinking ahead to the weekend, during which you plan to get less work done than San Francisco during a free Grateful Dead concert. Your hilariously mismatched roommate, a Greek student named Balki, hands you today's paper and asks you if in America, it is customary to plan one's weekend considering the advice of the local weatherman. Just then, your friend calls to inform you that the waffle bar has at long last returned to Wu Dining Hall, but hoarders are taking a dozen waffles at a time and supplies will not last long. What do you do?
You read the weather: turn to page 9.
No time man, waffles!: turn to page 53.
Page 9
Demurring temporarily on the waffles, you read the forecast while cleansing your palette with a refreshing Fanta. You note that a lack of weather knowledge would be costly this particular weekend, as the next three days all look very rainy, with the heaviest precipitation overnight Friday and then again Saturday night. You are somewhat surprised to learn these rains will total 3-4", but are unsure if this is a sufficient deluge to break out your knee-high rain boots.
Yes, give me boots or give me death: turn to page 37.
No, rain boots are a vestige of America's tortured past: turn to page 101.
Page 53
Your actions directly result in the appointment of 4 former members of 80s butt-rockers Styx to the Syndicate Supreme Court, where their careers are marked by highly suspect jurisprudence. For example, Styx judges the Constitution does not mandate the separation of Scientology and state. This is unfortunate for you, as you own the domain name "www.tomcruisesreligiousbeliefsarestupidandwrong.com" and will spend the next 12 years at Re-enlightenment Camp, forcibly hooked to an e-meter until found completely free of negative engrams. The End.
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