A first course in lecture etiquette

I am not a perfect student. I don't always pay attention, religiously take notes or, for that matter, attend all my lectures, but in my four years here I have been amazed by some of the blatantly rude things that we students do in our daily lectures. During a class last week, I actually had to ask someone to stop reading The New York Times because his holding it in front of him blocked my view of the professor. I remember he acted like it was the most ridiculous request ever and grudgingly lowered the paper to his desk. With that in mind, I sat down with some friends and compiled a list of all the unbelievable things that regularly happen in our lectures. Let's call this, "Lecture Etiquette 101: a 10-point guide to what not to do in a Princeton lecture."

1. Turn your cell phone off. Yes everyone has a cellphone, yes the Motorola razor is sweet, but it is annoying and embarrassing for you and the other students when your obnoxious ring breaks Viroli's rhythm in mid-sentence or ruins McPherson's grand finale. You're not that important that you can't turn your phone off for fifty minutes.

2. If you are bothering to come to lecture, at least feign interest. Yes, there are mornings when you are hung over, tired or grumpy and the last thing you want to hear is a professor drone on about econometrics. That being said, if you don't want to be there then don't come. Let's face it, all you are really doing is trying to expunge yourself of the guilt that comes once you calculate that each lecture costs your parents about $200.

3. Lectures start at 9 a.m., 10 a.m., 11 a.m., 12:30 p.m., 1:30 p.m. and 2:30 p.m. I have to say I am one of the worst offenders of always being late, but that being said, there are ways to arrive late to a lecture subtly. It always amazes me when someone rolls into class 20 minutes late and acts like the professor should have waited for him. If you arrive late, there is no need to walk across the classroom to sit in the front row, or noisily get your notebook out and then spend a few minutes asking the person next to you where the handout is. Sit in the closest available seat to the door and have your stuff ready to go before you get in the room.

4. Do you actually need a laptop? Quill and papyrus worked for the Egyptians, Plato, Shakespeare and Dickens. I think you can handle 50 minutes of writing by hand. After all, if you are bringing your laptop, chances are you are reading espn.com or instant messaging your roommates to tell them how sneaky it is that you're using AIM in a lecture.

5. Don't sit at the end of the row when the middle seats are empty. Yes, the aisle seat is money ... but its not that cool. You're watching a professor lecture, not a play or a baseball game. There is nothing like trying shuffle over some auditor at 10 a.m. to put you in a bad mood.

6. Don't fall asleep and then snore. We have all fallen asleep in lecture at some point. While art classes in the morning that are in the dark and show pretty pictures are a student's worst nightmare, the least you can do is not snore.

7. Don't start putting your books away while the professor is still talking. I know we are often anxious to get back to bed or to lunch, but this is just bad form. I think we would all agree that the lecturer has earned enough respect not to be drowned out by the opening of backpacks.

8. Don't take your shoes off and then put your feet on the back of the seat in front of you. This is bad on so many levels ...

9. Don't talk. Wow, I sound like my 7th grade math teacher, but this is just really annoying. By this point, two decades into your life, you should know whether or not you're capable of whispering or if your ability to be subtle went the way of Rafael Palmeiro's baseball legacy.

10. On a sappy note, don't take Princeton lectures for granted. After college, there are jobs, rents and tax returns. Never again will you have such a phenomenal group of individuals whose sole purpose for fifty minutes is to educate and inform. See if Goldman Sachs or McKinsey has this quote in their lobby: "Here we were taught by men and gothic towers/ Democracy and faith and righteousness/ And love of unseen things that do not die." Chris Berger is a history major from New York City. He can be reached at cberger@princeton.edu.