Kissing chivalry good-bye

At Princeton, I've grown used to meeting guys who play varsity sports, write for national newspapers, win Intel Science awards and who spit large amounts of phlegm on the sidewalk as I approach them. Which leads me to wonder: a) am I supposed to be grateful they're not spitting at me? and b) have we so drastically lowered our standards for male manners that we feel they no longer need them at all?

I'm not here to bludgeon guys with the latest edition of Emily Post. I understand that, as an L.A. native who enjoys telling crude jokes and doesn't shave her legs every day, I don't have the right to demand any excessive displays of chivalry involving suits of armor and horses. Nor would my modern, "liberated" sensibilities favor the idea of a "perfect gentleman" who jousts for my honor or regularly places his jacket over puddles for my walking ease. While my demands are few, I find that, at Princeton, there still are many guys who are not polite even in the context of our relaxed 'modern' society.

I first came to this realization last year when doing laundry. The elevator carrying me and my overflowing laundry bag, towels and bottle of detergent opened to the basement, where a guy immediately attempted to shove in. The last time I checked, people were supposed to wait for those in the elevator to exit. With my considerable laundry artillery, I blocked his entrance and, unable to properly lift my laundry bag, I kicked it out of the elevator, dropping a towel in the process. As I clumsily leant down to pick up the towel, the boy shoved past me to get into the elevator as I collapsed on my bag of dirty laundry trying to think of something sufficiently biting to say. I think I managed a groan.

While this could be construed as an isolated, unfortunate incident, I think the problem is a bit larger. Every time I see a guy bite through his beer can or nearly run me over at breakneck speed on his bike, I wonder if it all has something to do with proving their manhood and that I, with my pesky extra X chromosome, simply can't understand it. In a world in which women lay claim to gender equality, have polite male manners somehow become an expression of weakness, making guys feel the need to replace them with rudeness?

It would hardly be a denial of one's manhood to show concern — or at least awareness — when someone (such as myself) slips and falls spectacularly on the ice. I would actually prefer if you laughed at me instead of completely ignoring the fact that I will now be unable to sit for a week. It's not that I think that helping a fallen person up is so extraordinary — it's mostly that my expectations have become so low that even this would seem an unusual act of kindness that ought to be commemorated in some way.

I'm sure many guys will turn around and say that girls are equally rude and ill-behaved and/or that not all guys at Princeton are like this. While that might also be true, I still believe that there are certain standards for 'gentlemanly' behavior that can and ought to be — but often aren't — met even in the casual environment of the Princeton campus. The only person to offer me help when I'm struggling with the twenty-pound box I picked up at Frist should not be a hobbit-sized female. And that's not just because I would prefer if it were a buff, attractive guy. It's because I believe that a woman can still be self-sufficient and independent without getting doors slammed in their face and that men can still be manly without tackling me and my laundry as I leave the elevator. Cailey Hall is a sophomore from Los Angeles, CA. She can be reached at schall@princeton.edu.