How's life at the bottom treating you?

Allow me to start with this disclaimer:

As a "dumb" Penn kid, I need to put in reminders throughout my writings so I don't forget about important points.

So here's one. Brown 57, Princeton 52. Dartmouth 50, Princeton 42. Harvard 61, Princeton 57.

Sorry, back to the real fun.

Apparently you guys decided that you like what we did last year so much that you wanted to copy us. But since Princeton, is of course, so much better than Penn, you decided to go the extra mile. Not only did you lose an extra Ivy League home game before we play each other for the first time, but you got swept by DARTMOUTH AND HARVARD! I wasn't even born the last time that happened.

Wait, there's more, a whole lot more.

Before the season started, Princeton was an overwhelming favorite to win the Ivy League. But just like inflated grades, there were some inflated opinions of those Kittens in Orange and Black.

It's nice that you actually scheduled some good opponents this year — I can only wonder how much of your ginormous endowment went to getting John Chaney and Coach K. to lower themselves to play against you guys – but maybe you should have beaten them?

Beating Bucknell and Holy Cross really shows some serious basketball skills. Although Holy Cross beat Harvard, and wait, reminder — Harvard 61, Princeton 57 — oh right — you lost to them.

Let me shower some more praise on your wonderful institution.

You are the champion of New Jersey! Congratulations! After beating the powerhouses of Rutgers and Monmouth, no one can dispute Princeton's Garden State supremacy. It is a little harder for us to beat our state foes because we actually play good teams, like Temple, who you lost to; Saint Joseph's, who we beat; and Villanova, who is in the Top 25.

Speaking of the Top 25, didn't you guys get a vote in the preseason ESPN/USA Today Poll? But now the chance of you guys getting enough votes to get to No. 25 is probably as likely as Brown beating Princeton ... no wait Dartmouth beating Princeton ... no I guess maybe Harvard beating Princeton?

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Oh well. I guess it's about as likely as the Eagles winning the Super Bowl.

But enough about the past, let's get to tonight's game.

Obviously Joe Scott's "new" Princeton Offense is not succeeding so well. 54 points per game? That's pretty bad. Even JTIII had more than that (61.9 ppg in his four years). And speaking of Georgetown's head coach, suddenly Tigers fans are yearning for him again. Paper Tigers on the court, fair-weather fans off it — you guys have a nice theme going on there.

And with the defense that the Quakers have been playing recently — allowing only 50.5 points per game to Ivy League teams, who by the way actually attempt to shoot the ball before there are five seconds left on the shot clock — I have a hard time seeing the Tigers breaking 40 tonight.

On offense, while Judson Wallace may be a halfway decent defender down low, he can do nothing to stop Penn's outside game of Tim Begley, Eric Osmundson and Ibby Jaaber.

But Wallace is injured with a bad back, and Steve Danley is quickly becoming the dominant big man in the Ivies. You may or may not have heard how he and the other Penn forwards shut down Harvard's Brian Cusworth Friday night. This is the same Cusworth who had a double-double and the eventual game-winning shot against the Tigers the next night.

Which reminds me: Brown 57, Princeton 52; Dartmouth 50, Princeton 42; Harvard 61, Princeton 57.

Anyway, Wallace and Mike Stephens have no shot of containing our frontcourt tonight.

I certainly applaud Wallace for his hope, when he said, "I have confidence in my team. I might get in trouble fast, but our team will win our next 10 games in a row. I know that."

However, that could be the most ridiculous guarantee since New Jersey said that they would take the Yankees from the Bronx.

But I think that the great savior of Princeton basketball — Joe Scott in case you were wondering — said it best:

"I would always accept an NIT bid — always."

Real lofty goals there.

Well at this point, and which point was that again? (You know it's always tough for Penn kids to write something more than four sentences long) — Brown 57, Princeton 52; Dartmouth 50, Princeton 42; Harvard 61, Princeton 57.

Oh right.

At this point, the Tigers are quite a ways away from even making the NIT more than a dream.

Meanwhile, I'll make sure to send you a postcard from Tuscon. Or Boise. Or Nashville. Whatever, I think kids as smart as you guys get the point.

Josh Hirsch is the Senior Sports Editor of the Daily Pennsylvanian.