In a statement released late last night, the Department of Athletics has confirmed that junior squash sensation and two-time defending national collegiate champion Yasser El-Halaby has been suspended indefinitely from the team after testing positive for the anabolic steroid known as "The Cream." The Cream has been in national headlines recently in conjunction with the ongoing steroid investigation in Major League Baseball.
El-Halaby was also found to have abnormally high levels of testosterone and di-hydrogen monoxide in his body. This is believed to be the first time in school history that a varsity athlete has been caught using a performance-enhancing drug.
"We are saddened and disappointed by this surprising revelation," Director of Athletics Gary Walters '67 said in a prepared statement. "Yasser has always shown such dignity and class in representing this school. It is a shame to ruin such a promising career with one thoughtless mistake. This is a sad day for Princeton athletics."
El-Halaby's suspension from the team is effective immediately and will be reevaluated when the University's investigation concludes. The junior from Cairo, Egypt could also face disciplinary action from the school, as well as from the NCAA.
El-Halaby declined to comment.
Walters said that El-Halaby was notified of the findings and suspension by his coach, Bob Callahan '77.
Shock seemed to be the common reaction on campus as news of the scandal spread like wildfire.
"I couldn't believe it when I heard it," junior lacrosse player Jamie Sundheim said. "I mean, I know Yasser. I just find this so hard to believe. He's not even very strong."
That fact is what has caught many by surprise. At five feet, nine inches and 145 pounds, El-Halaby's success on the court has had little to do with strength. He is known as one of the most creative shotmakers to ever play collegiate squash.
"We've been saying this for a few years now, and we've seen it coming," Brian Moretti, Vice President of the New England Anti-Squash League for the Resuscitation of Racquetball, said. "If we insist on corrupting the pure sport of racquetball, we cannot be surprised when the corruption of America's youth follows."
The loss of El-Halaby will be the latest setback for a program that has seen several players drop the team. While nothing has been confirmed, Walters said that he would consider allowing women's squash senior Daphne Chester to play for the men if the loss of El-Halaby left the men's squad without a full roster.
The University said that it would likely not conclude its investigation until the beginning of the second semester. El-Halaby will be allowed to continue his studies until the situation is resolved. This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's 2005 Joke Issue.
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