Michael Douglas attacks his opponent with his eyes, confident and unrelenting.
Kevin Kline gracefully moves to the podium and clears his throat.
Martin Sheen banters with his crew, but furrows his brow in the Situation Room.
There is certainly no shortage of people who can act presidential. Why, if we ever needed a stand-in president, Hollywood has given us a long list to choose from: Martin Sheen, Kevin Kline, Michael Douglas, Chris Rock, Warren Beatty, Dennis Haysbert, Donald Moffett, Mel Brooks, Michael Belson, John Travolta, and Anthony Hopkins, just to name a few. But acting presidential is not what's important. America needs someone who can make smart decisions, who can lead the nation, who can unite the countries of the world, who can take responsibility, who can . . . read, for example.
Or maybe America is looking for a good actor. I mean, sometimes I feel like I wouldn't mind if Martin Sheen were our president. Maybe a convincing performance, the basics of acting like eye contact and actual facial-expression, attracts votes. Maybe height is the driving force behind elections — during the first debate, it was fun pretending that George W. Bush was as tall as John Kerry. Unfortunately, the difference in podium height quickly reminded us that Kerry is actually 11 feet tall and Bush is still a gremlin.
With the presidential election only days away, the issue of appearance in the presidential campaigns has become a source of anxiety. As I watched the debates, I imagined what a Hollywood director might have shouted at the candidates.
LEHRER: Good evening from the University of Miami Convocation Center in Coral Gables, Florida. I'm Jim Lehrer of "The News Hour" on PBS.
And I welcome you to the first of the 2004 presidential debates between President George W. Bush, the Republican nominee, and Senator John Kerry, the Democratic nominee.
SORKIN: Cut! No, we need to fix this camera.
SPIELBERG: Can we call in a taller Bush?
ZEMECKIS: No, no! "Bush," you stay where you are! I'll call in special effects. We can make "Kerry" look shorter. I did something like this in Forrest Gump. Hey, he's supposed to be a Vietnam Veteran, right? We could just take out his legs entirely —
(APPLAUSE)
LEHRER: Good evening, Mr. President, Senator Kerry.
As determined by a coin toss, the first question goes to you, Senator Kerry. You have two minutes.
Do you believe you could do a better job than President Bush in preventing another 9/11-type terrorist attack on the United States?
KERRY: Yes, I do.
SORKIN: Cut!
(BUSH sits down with his script to memorize his lines. LEHRER reads Backstage Magazine.)
NICHOLS: "Kerry," you have to look at the camera. Acting 101. No one cares that you are making eye-contact with the people in this room. Make eye-contact with the American people! Look into the camera.
BUSH: (looks up) The American people are in that camera?
ALLEN: (To Kerry) Have you tried smiling? (To Bush) Stop smiling — you look like a gremlin. (To Spielberg) This is making me insane.
SPIELBERG: "Kerry," you have to weave the story. Weave the story! Make us believe you. It's not all about having good ideas, it's about how you look when you say them. Now, weave!
KERRY: (to himself) Weave . . .
SORKIN: (To Bush) "Bush," we need a little more sincerity from you. (Snaps his fingers) Hey, look at me. Now, I know we discussed having your character be a little less formal than "Kerry," but you need to articulate even when you're peaking with the accent, OK?
BUSH: (In a British accent) Oh, Aaron, you mean you want me to act a bit more refined. I suppose I can manage that. (Practicing lines, in a slightly more refined Texan accent) Terror . . . Terrorists . . . Better?
SORKIN: (recoiling) Better . . .
HOWARD: (in a "NADER" baseball cap, shouting into a speakerphone) OK, let's take it from "Bush"'s line. Action!
(There is a pause. Bush stares blankly for a moment.)
TARANTINO: DAMNIT! CUT, CUT!
SORKIN: I don't want to be a stickler about this, "Bush," but you need pick up your cues. No one's going to be believe your president.
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