What women want: Sex, a defense of the female libido

I know a female whose boyfriend, whenever they amicably bicker, threatens to cut off sex. "How foolish," she says, "for him to start that standoff with me." "Egad!" I say to that, "From whence hath come this ridonculous idea that women don't want sex??" Seriously, people. This message comes at us from everywhere, and we perpetuate it among ourselves: "It's going well," a [male] friend says, "she's letting me have sex with her."

I have a couple of theories. One is borrowed from a branch of the Red Queen Principle — that woman have an instinct to mate for life because otherwise they're left alone with the childcare: Cavebetty Oog won't spread for her cavestud Og until he's said, "I'll take care of you forever — you and Baby Gukk." Since we now have fun little rubber tube socks to eliminate that quandary, what's left is the mother of all double-standards, the slut/player complex: Buffy has to be talked into balling with Brad because if he loves then leaves her, she is shunned; he is high-fived.

I will concede that, in addition to my hypotheses on disincentives, there are a few other factors contributing to the sophistic stereotype that women don't want sex. Physical: The male engine starts more quickly on a cold day and is less likely to sputter and die if the key isn't turned just right. Temporal: women kick into high gear around 35, while our guy friends' sexual peaks coincided approximately with their Princeton applications — in short, as we get hornier, our prime candidates get balder; on that note, snaps to Stifler's Mom, thanks. And there's what a friend pointed out — brains scans led to the conclusion that sex is much more mental [than physical] for women [than for men]. Granted, my friend probably doesn't know what she's talking about. But I'd have to agree: Men in general are less discriminating (don't pounce on this, guys — I said "in general," not "absolutely," and "less," not "completely non-").

And somehow, once these separate parts are mixed in the mind of society, their whole becomes greater than their simple sum, generating the unfounded idea that women on the whole are indifferent, or even averse, to the Dance of Love. "Not true!" I cry on behalf of sexually frustrated women everywhere. My own ineptitude with deadlines has allowed me an extra week's worth of research time, in which I have heard the same thing on the lips of practically every coed from Nassau Hall to Prospect Street: "We wanna get laid tonight!"

I imagine there is a denomination of chicks who, for whatever reason, subconsciously or consciously stifle this desire on the basis of outward appearances. To that I say, terrific — repression has definitely helped women make incredible advances in the last millennium. In any case, I have yet to encounter any female who takes this position on the matter, neither during my period of active research nor during my time at Princeton, which now approaches the biennial mark. All I hear is "I love sex!" OK, so it's a bit more varied, but that general sentiment is expressed resoundingly. Some convey a reluctance to sleep with a man in a hurry, but such reservations can either be traced back to the aforementioned double-standard or considered a preventative measure against their own deprivation later on in the game: if she tastes the forbidden fruit and then gets dumped by the tree, then what? There are no waterproof vibrators in the Garden of Eden, and nobody's happy (except maybe the tree, and that's only because he's working the double-standard in his favor).

My nascent little column is evolving into a moral-boasting one, which seems inconsistent with so ditsy a subject matter (and tone, and author). But consider the morals within their own context, in which case they are rather deep: porn is great; masturbate to your cell phone; don't hump with other people in the room. And this one. Guys — if you suffer from Iknowallthesechicksbuttheyneverseemtowanttodomeitis, don't write us off as a lost cause; work with us, don't do any of those things that require preventative action and make an effort where an effort is due. Ladies — get some.