Memorable names from the NFL Draft

This weekend's NFL Draft was full of excitement and intrigue. But once you pass pick five / hour six, most people don't know who Mel Kiper is yapping about to Chris Mortensen's knowing chuckles.

So here are the most memorable names of the draft.

Kenechi Udeze, No. 20, Minnesota. He has an almost-equally cool nickname, BKU. It stands for, not too imaginatively, Big Kenechi Udeze.

Speaking big, Vince Wilfork "Wil" need to put his "fork" down some time soon if he doesn't want to balloon above his listed 344 pounds. The NFL's official analysis calls him, I kid you not, "big-boned." New England hopes it got a run-stuffer at No. 21, not just a mouth-stuffer.

Igor Olshansky, No. 35, San Diego. When you can't find talent in North America, the Chargers say, "Let's try the Ukraine!" The native of Dnepropetrovsk (say that one time fast) has decided to leave his job working under a mad scientist to work under Marty Schottenheimer.

Another name reminiscent of black and white entertainment, "Ricky" Ricardo Colclough — No. 38, Pittsburgh — becomes the second Ricardo in the NFL after Ricardo McDonald of the Broncos. OK, so Colclough's (pronounced COKE-lee) actual nickname is "Coot." Ricky is better.

The NFL is joining the NBA in its international trend, and even international-sounding names are getting guys jobs in the league. Jeremy LeSueur — No. 85, Denver — is actually from Mississippi, but the league is hoping he'll help promote NFL Europe.

Alex Stopanovich — No. 100, Arizona — is another fake international player. He's a former wrestler from Ohio.

Isaac Sopoaga — No. 104, Washington — is getting closer. "Ice" is not from a state, but he is from an American territory: Pago Pago, American Samoa. His parents also have cool names: Suitupe and Lagiselota.

A guy who will really bring everyone into the team family is Tim Euhus (YOU-us). How much clearer can you say that everyone belongs together? Though the stress on the first syllable could cause some tension in the locker room. Hopefully, his communication skills as a chemical engineering management major will help smooth things over.

First name last

Now for the largest category of names, by far: those in which the first name and last name are both first names. I'm going to pair up names that go together, and you have to decide which ones are backwards and which are forwards.

Thomas Dontarrius, Spencer Shawntae, Thomas Joey, Scott Guss, Francis Carlos, Parker Samie, Allen Will, Joe Leon, Earl Glenn, David Jason, Allen Jared, Lewis Alex, Scott Jake and Ryan Sean.

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Think a second before cheating . . .

Wrong! They're all backwards.

After all those first names, the teams were pretty fed up, so they went with a couple of people who didn't have any. Kelly Butler — No. 172, Detroit — has two last names, and Indianapolis used the very next pick to choose a guy with a middle name for a first name: Von Hutchins.

There weren't a lot of guys with great "football names" on the board that can really inspire people. My sister still talks about seeing one of our women's volleyball games, just because Kellie Cramm has the best "volleyball name" ever.

There were still a few who fit the bill in the NFL Draft, though. St. Louis used pick No. 158 to take Jason Shivers, a "big hitter" at free safety, according to the NFL, who would be bigger if the forearm shiver was still legal.

Philadelphia's fans got a new name to mock with their always-amusing signs. Dexter Wynn — No. 184 — will doubtless have his name mutated into "Lose" more times than there are Ninja Turtles and Michael Jackson noses combined.

Of course, when you get this low in the draft, the names are just confusing. Miami decided to simplify things with picks 221 and 222 by taking Tony Pape and Derrick Pope back to back. Only one letter to remember.

Cleveland was not so economical when it took Adimchinobe Echemandu at No. 208.

As far as extra characters in a name go, Deandre' Elland — No. 184, Minessota — takes the cake. I just don't see what he gains from that apostrophe, though it kind of looks like an upside-down Viking's horn.

There's one player who should be happy to have an extra letter — plus one flipflop — Christian Ferrara. The 226th pick in the NFL Draft's name is remarkably close to that of Cristina Ferrara. She is a former supermodel who married and divorced John DeLorean of "Back to the Future"-car fame. Then she had a home show in which taught home mothers to sew and decorate, not exactly common pursuits among football players. San Francisco's Ferrara is 6-3, 295, but he can still be pricked by a needle.

And in honor of this irrelevant column, I'll end with "Mr. Irrelevant," the last pick in the draft, Andre Sommersell, a native of Guyana, whose name is only slightly less cool than his title.