Houseparties questions answered

If you accept someone's early invitation, then start hooking up with someone else . . .

Although you'd prefer to go with your new flame, you cannot because you must be respectful of the person whose invitation you already accepted . . . but you can still sneak over to your new girl or guy's room after your date is safely home. Just make sure he or she is expecting you...this is one case in which a drunk phone call is not only totally acceptable, but also a smart idea.

If you know no one at your date's club . . .

Junior "Daphne" says, "Go to another club. The weekend is about you, not your date . . . maybe I'm just a horrible date." Good thing for Daphne I don't print real names. But what if you are an underclassman and an upperclassman asks you? You wouldn't be there if he or she wasn't taking you. So if you're a freshman invited to Cap by a junior, you shouldn't try to drag your date to Cottage until after dinner and a little dancing. Meanwhile, how do you have fun at Cap? "Matt," an outgoing sophomore, says, "Introduce yourself. Get to know your date's friends."

If your date starts crying . . .

Take him or her somewhere quiet like the stairwell. One wise junior girl, who is often called upon to comfort random people, says to "stroke the back . . . it shows you're there, without saying the wrong thing." And "look in the person's eyes," says Matt, to show you care. Girls, in particular, are prone to beer tears (surprise surprise!). Humor is a common male tactic meant to diffuse tension, but an upset girl will probably be irritated by your joke about the blonde, the pirate and the monk because she'll think you're trivializing her problem. The "stiff upper lip" approach is also doomed.

If your date drinks too much . . .

If the crisp young man who showed up at your door a mere five hours previous dissolves into an affectionate but incoherent puddle, immediately take away the flask and cup of beer he is clutching. Locate the most sober and responsible of his guy friends to take care of him, while you collect cufflinks, jacket, bowtie, camera and anything not firmly attached to him.

On the other hand, if he likes to get in fights when he's drunk, stay far away . . . unless he's your boyfriend, which gives you more of a right to be annoyed. Be aware that most attempts to lure guys away from a fight with an invitation to dance to "Express Yourself" will not be successful. Go figure.

Gentlemen can inform a tipsy young lady's friends of her condition, then take her home to her room. Unless you are her boyfriend, it is generally inadvisable to stay over or to remove any article of clothing besides her shoes.

If you don't want to hook up with your date . . .

It is still considered bad form to hook up with someone else's date. However, there are degrees of impropriety. Briefly making out behind the tent with someone besides your date is fairly common, if not accepted, behavior, while going home and hooking up with someone besides your date is considerably more frowned upon.

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But, how to deal with your date's desire to hook up . . . "Don 't mention hooking up until he's walking you home," says Lucy. "If he tries to take you to his room . . . peck him on the cheek and scram. Keep in mind you still have the rest of the weekend to be his date, so don't be an ice queen." Diplomatic excuses, according to Matt, include: "I don't want to disturb my roommate" and "I'm not feeling well."

Although guys hope girls want to hook up, girls assume guys want to hook up. So, be forewarned, if you don't want to hook up with your girl date and she does want to, she'll probably be extremely worried and think you a) consider her ugly and disgusting b) are mad at her c) are gay. Junior "Hans" relates the tale of his futile attempt last year to comfort his weeping date, who simply could not understand he didn't want to hook up with her because he was interested in a girl back home.

But no matter what misleading signals you've sent, "you are never obligated to do anything you don't want to do" says Lucy, assuming the role of column mommy.

If you hook up Friday night and don't know how to act Saturday . . .

Have a cocktail. Have several.

If your date ditches you . . .

Tell everyone you ditched him or her, and are having more fun without his or her clingy presence. Ditching is most permissible at Lawnparties and least permissible on formals night. If you are the ditcher, and your date turns up and accuses you of disappearing, the cagiest response is to turn it around and ask, "Where did you go? I was looking for you!" Of course, many cases of ditching are not so much "ditching" as tipsily wandering down to the SAE tailgate.