Top 10 moments from this year's NCAA tourney

Following the rousing response to my last column (a record seven hits on the website), I was hoping the 'Prince' would take the torch from WPRB and pay my way to Atlanta for the regional finals of the NCAA tournament last weekend. I was laughed at.

I checked the bracket for another regional. "Phoenix?"

Laughter.

"St. Louis?"

Was I driving?

"No."

Laughter.

"Wait a minute. East Rutherford!"

Possibly.

"Can we get a press pass?"

They didn't know.

"Ahh, forget it. Too much work."

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So perhaps it is my own fault I was sitting on the couch in my dank triple watching the regional finals instead of risking a trip to one of the many places in New Jersey that could be hosting a Super Bowl and I still wouldn't want to go anywhere near it.

I have come to the following conclusion after several hours of basketball (umm...and JP work, professor): worst tournament EVER. OK, maybe that's harsh. But I haven't exactly been jumping out of my seat about it. I will always remember this as the "tournament when I got to go to Denver for free and all y'all got jealous," but is it too much to ask to get a buzzer beater up in here? Where's Drew Nicholas? Bryce Drew? J.D. Drew? Dr. Drew? Drew Barrymore? Drew Freaking Babinecz '03?! Somehow, even the overtime games have managed to be boring. DePaul and Dayton went to two of them before the Fliers fell by 10 flipping points. Georgia Tech handled Kansas by eight in the St. Louis regional final. I can only pray that this is all a setup to an amazing Final Four.

Still, it hasn't been all bad. I am a fan of Top 10 lists, so here is Zack's Top 10 Favorite Moments from the 2004 NCAA Tournament.

10. The First-Round Upset that Everyone Knew Was Going to Happen — Manhattan over Florida.

Not that there are many of these to pick from. Only four lower seeds won in the first round, and one was a No. 9 and another was a No. 10 — not exactly "upsets." The other two were No. 12s over No. 5s — Pacific topping Providence and the Jaspers pummeling the Gators.

You know, I don't know what it feels like to be Florida, to watch your No. 1 team free fall all the way to a No. 5 seed and a first-round exit in the tourney, but I imagine it does not feel good. Shouldn't Billy Donovan get Coach of the Year from The Onion or something for orchestrating this meltdown?

Every year there's a game like this — usually an underrated 12 or 13 against a plummeting five or four — where the bracket "favorite" just isn't very convincing. Strangely, I think this is the one game in the tournament I would have bet on. But gambling is wrong, and you shouldn't do it. Stay in school.

9. Watching St. Joseph's Validate Themselves.

I'll warn you ahead of time that this section isn't funny.

Doubters were lining up anxiously, waiting for the Hawks to lose after their demoralizing loss in the Atlantic-10 tournament to Xavier, a game in which St. Joe's was trailing at one point by 37. But the Hawks impressed the naysayers, beating a Bobby Knight-led Texas Tech team by five, then eeking by Wake Forest by four before finally wilting to Oklahoma State — the team that many argued should be a No. 1 seed — in the Elite Eight on a late three-pointer by what appeared to be an eight-year old on the court for the Cowboys.

St. Joe's had the toughest bracket — a No. 2 seed that could've been a one, a three (Pittsburgh) that could've been a two, a four (Wake) which plays in the toughest conference in college basketball, and a No. 6 seed (Wisconsin) that was fresh off a win the in Big 10 tournament and that probably should have been a No. 4 seed somewhere. But the Hawks passed through to the final pair in that East Rutherford region, outlasted two higher-ranked No. 1 seeds (Kentucky and Stanford, both of which lost in the second round) and silenced even me — an avid critic of the pride of Philadelphia. Billy Packer and I should go out to tea.

What helped St. Joe's, too, I think was Xavier's inspiring romp to the Elite Eight and narrow loss to Duke. The Musketeers, the only team to beat the Hawks this season, proved that they were no "bad loss." True, Xavier absolutely demolished St. Joe's in that game, but still...good team. And they have a coach named Thad. What kind of goober name is that?

8. Peeing Next to Wilbon.

I know I've said it, but...an absolute honor.

7. Marquette Did Not Make the Tournament.

I'll be honest, I hate Marquette. Last year, during the Eagles' run to the Final Four, I was pulling my eyeballs out just so I wouldn't have to watch it. I just couldn't understand why no one could beat them. Dwayne Wade me all you want, but I was not convinced they were that good. Travis Diener. Travis Diener! What a dirty wimp. He and Steve Novak. Do they ever eat?

I guess what put me over the top was the friend I have who is on the dance team there and called me every weekend to remind me how well they were doing.

"We're going to Minneapolis!"

"We beat Kentucky! We're going to New Orleans!"

As if I wasn't already in hell. Thank goodness Kansas tore them apart in the semifinals. Now I don't even have to worry about it because they are done. They lost in the NIT, but not before I had several chances to see the "WE ARE MARQUETTE" slogan written in mile-tall lettering running down the court. Has there ever been a dumber saying...ever? And if there was, was it written really big on a basketball court for the whole world to see?

You are not Marquette.

You are individuals.

War is peace.

Freedom is slavery.

Ignorance is strength.

6. Gus Johnson.

He's a broadcaster, probably on what CBS would consider their fourth broadcasting crew. But he has trumped Jim Nantz (though I will admit the Final Four would not be the same without him) as my favorite tourney announcer. He just has this way of getting you so excited about everything; he still has that youthful exuberance for the game. And he doesn't say stupid things like Old Man Enberg and Lundquist and Musberger tend to.

Actual quote from Verne Lundquist as the broadcast was going to commercial during the Duke-Xavier basketball match this weekend:

"Chris Duhon. What a player. What a man!"

'What a man'? When did Verne join Salt-N-Pepa? And what does that even mean? I don't want to suggest anything, but it sounds a little homo-erotic. Do Verne and Chris chill after the games? Has Chris proven himself to be a loyal man time and time again? Zack, shut up.

5. The Fact That I Have Actually Paid a Little Attention to the Women's Tournament as a Result of My Disapproval of the Men's Tournament.

Well, it's just that the Lady Gophers are in the Final Four, and I know a couple of the players...well, not personally, but I have heard of a couple of them...well...umm...there have been a couple upsets here and there...and...well...umm...did you see how Baylor got hosed against Tennessee?...No?...No, I didn't either...what about Texas getting upset?...no again?...are you kidding?...me, watch women's basketball?...hahaha...you amuse me!...no, I just read about it once or twice...that Brittany Jackson is cute, though...yikes...no, I don't respect myself anymore either.

4. The Names.

Can someone explain to me the thought process behind naming your kid 'Jawad,' as in Jawad Williams of North Carolina?

"Yeah, we just really wanted to accentuate the 'wad' part. We feel that's a beautiful word."

I went to babynames.com in desperate search of a meaning, but all the site has to say is "Sorry. That name is not in our database." Where does it come from, Mr. and Mrs. Williams? Honestly, I am legitimately curious. Someone figure this out for me.

Other favorites: Squeaky Johnson of UAB (a lesser person would make a dirty joke here), Luke Schenscher of Georgia Tech (have you ever seen the 'sch' loop twice in the same word?), Tyquan Dean of Louisville (I love martial arts) and Craig Forth of Syracuse (because it has that Mark Madsen tall, white and immobile feel to it).

3. The Extensive Bracket Challenge Statistics on ESPN.com.

Apparently, 39,145 out of about two million people correctly picked the Final Four this year, as opposed to just 347 last year. But the best part is the four poor souls who chose Xavier, St. Joe's, Kansas, and Alabama to make it. I feel like at least three of those people had to legitimately know what they were doing to make those picks, maybe one is stupid and just got lucky. Going into Saturday those four people were all excited, thinking that if even two of those teams won, they'd probably be in good position. Then...

'Bama, out. St. Joe's, out. Jayhawks, out. XU, out. Seacrest, out.

Then there are the 2,191 comedians who picked all four No. 16 seeds to make it. Why would you throw away money like that? For the sake of funny? Well, obviously it's not that original since 2,190 people at ESPN.com, and probably thousands more in other online pools, thought they'd be the class clown and do the same thing.

In the words of Stewie Griffin, "Oh, you're so fresh. Do you write your own material?"

2. The CBS College Basketball Theme Song.

I am still waiting for the CD of great sports themes to be released. It could have the CBS song, the now-dead NBA on NBC theme, the ESPN hockey theme, the NFL on FOX theme and so on. Of course, I have all these songs downloaded (paid for?) but that is one of the few CDs I would pay for. You could even have remixes by famous artists. Everyday before I went to Dillon for IM, I would pump the Outkast version of the CBS theme.

1. The New Rules I Think of Each Year.

My idea for 2004-2005: power plays. That's right. Fouls are so passé. They're boring, they bog up the end of games. Wouldn't it be so much more entertaining to have a five-on-four for 20 seconds? This would only apply for fouls on a shot, so that fouls on the floor could still stop a clock and give a team a chance at the end. But this would increase scoring, alley-oop dunks, and just general nastiness. Yes? No? I can dream.

Here's hoping for a Final Four that makes this tournament somewhat memorable.