Sketching out rules for suspicious behavior

"Sketchy," an adjective that young people use to brand anything ranging from a strange glance across a crowded taproom to mystery meat in the dining hall. The word implies something unfinished, fuzzy around the edges, that leaves itself open to whatever unflattering interpretation the observer cares to dream up. People often call behavior that is in opposition to social expectations and etiquette, "sketchy."

"Jerry," a well-meaning senior, said he has known cases in which girls labeled his perfectly nice guy friends "sketchy" for no apparent reason.

"Sometimes, guys do things unwittingly; they have no idea girls will think it is sketchy," he said.

"Meg," a junior in TI (a club where some of the arguably sketchiest incidents take place due to its late-night, three-sheets-to-the-wind climate) said guys often suggest making out upstairs or the like. However, if a boy leaves a girl alone after being rejected, all is well. The sketchiness begins if he starts following her around the club, trying to get her a beer, to dance with her, to talk with her, in spite of clear signals that she wants nothing to do with him. Some would call this "stalking."

Two more of my junior girlfriends said, "'Sketchy' is those National Rowing Team guys at Cloister . . . It's senior guys lurking on the edge of the dancefloor [hoping to pounce on an unsuspecting coed]. . . .people DO see you when you lurk! Making out with multiple people in one night . . . Sketchy only comes out at night."

Other questionable behavior includes overfamiliarity with people you don't know (for example, trying to make out or grind with a perfect stranger on the dance floor); hooking up in dorm showers (Who would want to? It's just nasty!); hitting on a guy's girlfriend/girl's boyfriend (especially in front of him/her or if you are friends with one or both of them); using pickup lines of any description; and inviting random girls to the post-Street "party" in your room, especially if you're a grad student (we're onto that one).

"Anything that happens on the second floor of an eating club is usually sketchy," club officer "John" joked.

Can girls be sketchy as well as guys? Girls can certainly act psycho or weird. And for almost every guy hooking up in a dark corner at Princeton, there is a girl, too. However, seniors "Patrick" and "Mike" maintained, "Girls can't really be sketchy — it's pretty much reserved for guys."

This surprised me because I thought I'd done plenty of sketchy things in my time. (No, I will not say what . . . okay, fine, meet me in the lilac bushes outside Charter, late Saturday night, if you're that curious.)

"Ralph" '03 explained that in his experience, girls are "more subtle" about their behavior and often "play the blackout card" if they do something they regret the next morning. ("I was making out with him in the middle of the taproom? No way! I definitely don't remember. Maybe that bottle of grain alcohol wasn't the best idea after all.")

Girls do seem more concerned with the preservation of their reputations than guys are, which explains their careful maneuvering and excuses. They are also less likely to openly suggest a hookup, which means the boy is usually the one to dive in for a kiss. If the victim of his advances isn't interested, she shrinks away and tells all her friends the guy is sketchy.

Afraid you might be sketchy? Here are various surefire ways to clean up your public image: 1) Get a girlfriend/boyfriend (see my column on dating). 2) Have a mutual friend perform introductions if there is someone of the opposite sex you'd like to meet. 3) Drink less. 4) Don't go out. 5) Don't hook up.

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If these ways of life sound restrictive or boring to you, there is comfort in the knowledge that there is nothing terribly wrong with being sketchy if you stay within the confines of moral behavior. Many, many couples have been caught coming out of the janitor's closet with rumpled clothes and messy hair and lived to tell the tale. Sure, the story will get around to your 50 closest friends before you butter your toast the next morning, but generally speaking, people have short memories. Personally, of course, I remember every unsavory tale I've ever heard that dates back to September of the current seniors' freshman year and have avoided the people the stories were about ever since (in case you were wondering why I never say "hi" even though we've met).

Given this situation, the best way to conclude is with the three golden rules as to how to get away with being sketchy: look innocent by staying washed, pressed and brushed at all times; do not tell people about your own exploits, but stay up-to-date on the juiciest tidbits about everyone else; never, ever, act guilty.