ESPN announcer Jon Miller fired, takes employment at Distractions

Famed ESPN television and KNBR radio baseball play-byplay man Jon Miller was recently fired. Miller has taken up employment as a puzzle artist for "Distractions."

"It was a total shock," Miller said. "I thought if anyone would get fired, it would be that moron [Joe] Morgan."

Mark Shapiro, vice president for programming at ESPN, focused on the poor on-air chemistry between Miller and Morgan, the color analyst for ESPN's baseball broadcasts.

"Everyone knows Joe's jokes aren't funny and that his conversation generally slides way off topic," Shapiro said, "but, well, he's a Hall of Famer. What are we gonna do, fire him?"

After hearing that Miller had been named to the National Sportswriters and Sportscasters Hall of Fame in Salisbury, N.C., Shapiro simply shrugged and said, "That's not in Cooperstown, is it?"

Former major league slugger David Justice, whose on-air abilities have been called "awful" by critics, will take over for Miller at ESPN. KNBR has yet to find a replacement broadcaster, but Trenton Thunder radio producer Zack Pierce has been named as a possibility.

KNBR program director Bob Agnew said, "Listen, we're just about out of money, so we fired him. I thought ESPN would keep him on, but the economy is hitting everybody. If they had to fire somebody, it's not like they're gonna fire Joe Morgan. Heck, he's a Hall of Fame player and can form complete sentences. What else can you ask for in a broadcaster?"

Miller was evicted from his home in San Francisco after Morgan bought his entire subdivision with money he made from his book "Baseball for Dummies" (IDG Books Worldwide). Miller relocated to Princeton, where he knew he would have a friend in head baseball coach and former major leaguer Scott Bradley.

"I didn't have any room in my house for him, because we have 14 kids," Bradley said. "But I pulled some strings and got him a carrel on the 'C' level of Firestone."

Miller's passion for maps of the Princeton campus, first kindled in a 1998 meeting with Bradley, inspired him to create "Gettin Down, Gettin Around," a campus map puzzle in the Fall Finals edition of "Distractions."

"I really enjoy maps and not being around that f——- Morgan, so I decided to make this puzzle," Miller said. "The map is not anywhere near the scale I claim [six inches = one mile] and none of the roads on it are real. Most people just say 'Stick to play-byplay, man,' when they see the puzzle. Thanks to Morgan, I can't. F——-!"

In an attempt to mend fences, Miller sent a copy of his puzzle to Morgan, who had nothing to say because he had not brought up the subject himself. He then spoke for 37 minutes about the angle of Barry Bonds' big toe in the batter's box and his own battles with athlete's foot.

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Miller replied with his trademark silence following a Morgan story.

"Sometimes I wish I would just punch him, but 'He's a Hall of Famer,' " Miller said, impersonating Shapiro's whiny tone. "I only joined that stupid 'Distractions' so I could steal the $50 gift certificate to the U-Store. Their prices are ridiculous."