Fare trial at Tower, Campus, Terrace

Since our disclaimers have been highly ineffective in calming fiery souls, we will bid adieu with some of our favorite memories from our odyssey into elitist eating cults.

Favorite excuses for food that was never really that bad: "But Mondays are our worst dinner nights!" "But Tuesdays are our worst dinner nights!" "But Wednesdays are our worst dinner nights!" "But [insert any day of the week or any Federal Holiday here] is our worst dinner night!"

"How could you have the audacity to dine at our club on the evening of Frist Fest?" "But tonight is leftover night! I mean . . . not that we have a leftover night or anything."

Forgive us for stating the obvious, but don't members have to eat at their respective clubs on every night of the week and regardless of the fact that it may be Monday?

We have even had the pleasure of being recognized and verbally attacked by members whose clubs we had not yet reviewed. We are truly flattered that some of you out there regard us as the root of all evil, but as patriotic Americans, we would like to encourage you to consider figures such as Saddam Hussein for that title as well.

Finally, we would like to thank you all for sharing your clubs with us. The term "Prospect 11" will have a special niche in our hearts and our stomachs forevermore.

Food ratings are on a scale from one to five paws. For example, One paw: Go directly to the dining hall. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. Five paws: I'm in heaven! But wait, I'm still in New Jersey.

Tower

Dress Code: Politicians, artists and musicians cleverly disguised in T-shirts and jeans.

Décor and Atmosphere: Tower members boast that in one of the smallest physical clubs on the street is a membership that has the most fun. The dark wood trimming, along with jungles of decorative plants, green drapery and green-striped paneling make the dining room a bed & breakfast meets ski lodge.

Cleanliness: The "PTC"-branded and lacquered tables are so well polished, you can watch yourself eat.

Food Rating (out of five paws): 4.5. Who cares what the entrees are like when the desserts are wheeled down the aisle on a two-tiered cart? Since Tower stresses the first-come, first-served rule for desserts, it's a good thing mom isn't here to tell you to eat your vegetables before digging into that chocolate peanut-butter pie or Oreo cheesecake.

The variety and quality of the food at Tower really sets it apart. After you've sampled everything at the dessert table, make sure you pay a visit to the hot food servery and the salad bar too. Most dinners include a choice of meats, such as BBQ ribs or chicken breast, as well as a variety of pastas. No iceberg lettuce within sight at the salad bar — a nice mixture of arugula and romaine, along with strawberries and other fresh fruit, offer an appetizing choice for the more health conscious among us.

Campus

Dress Code: Unique and eclectic T-shirts sporting slogans that range from "Red Hot Chili Peppers" to "Red Hat Linux."

Décor & Atmosphere: The handsome Campus dining room showcases a refreshingly diverse and tight-knit group of members. Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, right? The Cheers-like, dimly-lit, traditional eating area also includes a larger-than-life brick fireplace, perfect for hiding families of people in a heated game of assassins.

Cleanliness: As clean as the marching band's shined and buffed wind instruments.

Food Rating (out of five paws): 3. A dinner of Italian food consisting of spinach ravioli, and vegan and meat lasagna was well prepared. Fresh strawberries at the salad bar as well as frozen mudslides made it feel like summertime, despite the New Jersey curse of nine-month winters.

Desserts such as banana nut cheesecake, carrot cake, cherry pies and lemon squares offered a good variety of all-American meal finales. While seafood is also one of Campus' highlights, club menus are often unannounced before mealtimes to give the chefs freedom to pursue the freshest produce and meats on a daily basis.

Terrace

Dress Code: Did you buy that in a sweatshop supporting capitalist, commercialized chain clothing stores? You should be tarred and feathered!

Décor & Atmosphere: Have you ever wondered what college students would do with a stray mannequin? Maybe you haven't; but we have, and the members of Terrace have too. The rainbow neon lights above the servery reading "Food = Love" is an embodiment of the affectionate ruckus of the members during meals.

Cleanliness: Rough around the edges, in the loveable way that your best friend's goofy dad is rough around the edges.

Food Rating (out of five paws): 3.5. The Mexican-themed dinner we sampled was fun and authentic; it consisted of chicken and steak fajitas, bean soup, pasta, corn bread and chips with a variety of dips. We enjoyed the salad, described on the menu as "tossed garden stuff," as well as the flan for dessert.

Breakfasts and lunches were loaded with omelet choices, fresh fruit and enough pastries to send healthy 20-year-olds into cardiac arrest. But most importantly, meals at Terrace should be considered food with an attitude; with daily quotes from Grandma Moses on the menu and octopus stews on special occasions, we are reminded that how you eat is just as important as what you eat.

Impressively, Terrace is also one of the few clubs serving an abundance of vegan choices at every meal. One of the best values at the Street, just don't tell mom and dad what "TFC" really stands for. (Terrace Frugal Club?)