Walters traded to Columbia for cash, etc.

In what must have been caused by a sin he committed in another lifetime, Princeton Athletic Director Gary Walters '67 was recently traded by President Tilghman to Columbia University in return for two apartment buildings on New York's 124th street, a borough in Manhattan to be named later and cash.

The news was announced by Columbia's athletics staff last night in New York City.

"We are very happy to gain such a wonderful athletic director," a spokesperson for Columbia said. "We believe that he will make a wonderful addition to the university."

When Walters was asked what he would do first with the program, he responded slightly pessimistically.

"I really don't know what you can do," Walters said. "We can't recruit anybody because of our location. Maybe if we were down around NYU we could get some recruits, but nobody really wants to live up here. I'm certainly going to commute from Princeton. Oh, and that's off the record."

He makes the switch to Columbia at an awkward time. Columbia rarely competes for an Ivy title in any sport, and it is widely thought to be the first school considered for contraction after Dartmouth.

"I can turn this program around," Walters said. "Before you know it, Columbia will be the next Ivy League school that makes the Top 10 Jock School listing. I did it at Princeton, so I can do it here. Oh, and that's off the record, too."

Another reason cited is Walters incessantly being annoyed by random athletic series that the 'Prince' throws at him.

"I mean, how many times do you want me to tell you the future of college athletics? How should I know?" Walters said. "Why don't you read that Bowen book again. And intellectualism and athletics. Let it drop. I'm going to a place where they don't worry about stupid things like that. Oh, and that doesn't go in the paper."

In the deal, Tilghman agreed to release a couple other members of the Princeton community.

The biggest loss will be men's lacrosse head coach Bill Tierney and his coaching staff. Currently, men's lacrosse is a club sport at Columbia.

"Yeah, I'm getting tired of winning national championships here," Tierney said. "With the best midfield, defense and attackers in the country now, I think I should just mix it up a little and go to Columbia. I think we can win some titles there."

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When asked about recruiting difficulties, Tierney said that it could only help him.

"Recruiting difficulties? None. With Columbia's proximity to Wall Street, we'll have to drive the kids away."

Also going with Walters will be the rest of the athletic department except for Jerry Price. Price would be included except for his insistence on wearing Penn colors whenever Princeton squads take on the Quakers.

Taking Walters' place at Princeton will be the former Dartmouth Athletic Director, Ben Dover, who has been criticized for his decision to cut the swimming program.

His first move at Princeton will be to begin a program in every sport known to man.