Blockbuster beer pong trade rocks Charter Club players

CHARTER — In a move that will certainly shift the balance of power in the beer pong community, one of the sport's best teams is rumored to be parting ways.

'Prince' Sports learned yesterday afternoon that senior pong standout Andrew Lenz will likely trade longtime playing partner and fellow senior Matt Simmons for international pong superstar Yi Yong Fan before the start of the Charter Club pong tournament this March.

Yi currently runs a junior pong clinic in Portland, Ore., but is coming out of retirement to play in the Charter tournament.

"Simmons has played Robin to my Batman long enough," Lenz said.

In an interview given to Paddle Palace magazine, Yi said that "There is so much potential in the U.S. for growth of [pong]. I want to help make [pong] grow into a much bigger sport here as it is in other countries."

While Simmons was unavailable for comment yesterday, his agent, senior Shannon Donnelly, released a statement.

Donnelly's office claimed that Lenz "has more in common with Rob Lowe than with Batman. Not "West Wing" Rob Lowe either — I mean "Atomic Train" Rob Lowe."

Comments flooded into the 'Prince' offices overnight from a bevy of different pong watchers.

In a statement reminicent of his role as 'the Jesus' in the film The Big Lebowski, pong expert and Simmons groupie John Tuturo said that the trade was "bush-league, psych-out stuff."

Overall, however, reaction to the trade was mixed. U.S. national team head coach Dan Seemiller was cautiously optimistic.

"This is an exciting time. How will it play out? There are so many questions that can't be answered until the players actually compete," Seemiller said. "After spending 32 years involved in the sport I say it's about time for a change. I applaud [Lenz] for making this historic change to our sport. I know the changes will be difficult to handle but they will be fair. Best of luck to all players!"

The last year has been one of high drama on the beer pong scene. Following the collapse of a short-lived pong league last spring, interest in the sport sagged considerably. Lenz hopes that this move will bring widespread interest and excitment back to the pong table.

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"I was considering a few other players for this trade in addition to my man Yong," Lenz said. "Even though Vladmir Samsonov called me on my cell phone a couple of times, he was a little too much like one of those short dudes from Lord of the Rings."

Lenz then shook his head a few times and added, "What's the deal with those two? You know what I mean."

Donnelly responded to queries from the 'Prince' regarding Simmons' whereabouts saying, "Did you ask him to talk about politics? Or the West Wing? Get him going on one of those and trust me, you'll have enough material for about 10 of your little stories."

'Prince' Sports will stay with this story and just keep livin'.