For sale: Freshman student bodies

"Alas, I would not vouch for Harvard and Yale, where men, naturally, are rather more desperate than are their Princeton peers and, thus, more easily exploitable."

Everybody likes Yale-and-Harvard-bashing, and this was one of economics professor Uwe Reinhardt's pickup lines to trick bored ECO 102 students into liking the class. It is obvious that Harvard and Yale are more desperate than us. After all, who could feel comfortable having sex in a place like New Haven? You would need to watch out at all times just to stay alive over there. And, of course, at snobby Harvard, folks don't have time to have sex since they spend all their time either studying or talking about how clever and perfect they are.

Well, I wasn't surprised to hear that Harvard and Yale men were more desperate than us, but I was damn surprised to hear that folks over at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro were also more desperate. I mean, I myself am way too desperate, still carrying on with a long-distance (inter-continental to be exact) relationship, and the closest I get to sex is when I glance over the kamasutra books I find while working as a shelver in the East Asian Studies library.

But I am not that desperate (yet) to hire prostitutes. Before I start putting thoughts into our freshmen male readers (who tend to drool all over girls they dance with on Saturday nights, if they find any), let me tell you that you suckers may end up getting arrested for prostitution. That's exactly what happened to Christy Leeann Thigpen and Anthony William Harvath, two freshmen over at UNC Greensboro.

According to Greensboro News & Record, "police said Thigpen and Harvath had sex for money at Ragsdale Hall, a residence hall for women where Thigpen lived. They charged $100 for oral sex or intercourse, according to court records." The two freshmen were arrested on Oct. 22. The news story also quoted UNCG Police Lt. Paul Lester: "I have been here 10 years and I have never seen anything like this occur." According to the story, "police are still looking for the two men they believe paid to have sex with Thigpen and Harvath. One of the men had sex with Thigpen on Sept. 7, and the other man had sex with Harvath on Oct. 19."

Now I have had attacks of jealousy in my lonely room in Mathey when my peers over at Wilson or Forbes claimed to have easy access to hot blondes in their colleges, but I was more than jealous when I heard about the prostitution story over at UNCG.

Not that I think we need any prostitution here in our peaceful (maybe too much at times) town of Princeton, but how come they get all the exciting news when the best we get is about powder found all over the campus which never turns out to be anthrax? I mean, I would be more than thrilled if the girls in my hall took part in a prostitution ploy like the one at UNCG. How cool would it be to have prostitutes that can actually get accepted to a prestigious Ivy League school like Princeton?

But wait a minute. One of the two UNCG students that got arrested was a male. What if my roommate was a prostitute? Now that wouldn't be cool. I'll need to talk to him about this now. Rules are rules. No prostitution in my room.