Ask Auntie J: In Love with a Friend

Hello sweeties!

Auntie J here with your weekly dose of old-person wisdom. Here’s the deal: you submit a question completely anonymously at bit.ly/askauntiej and Auntie gets back to you as soon as her magic Street printing fairies allow with some sage advice!

Many of you were writing to Auntie J about affairs of the heart this week.

"Loveless Loser" laments,

I’m absolutely in love (or at least in like) with one of my friends. I’ve been attracted to him since the first time I met in October, but the closer we get, the more I become intoxicated by his beautiful personality and huge heart. But there’s no way he would ever see me the way I see him — he’s so kind-hearted, wildly clever, and just too, too cute (plus, he’s a sophomore and I’m a first year). He’s out of my league without a doubt, so I’ve never made a move because I feel like it’s totally futile, but I just can’t seem to shake this crush. Just being his friend makes me so happy, but sometimes it’s really tough to be hanging out with him and have to resist the urge to kiss him. Also, a lot of other guys have shown interest, but I don’t even bother looking at them — I just want this one boy. What do you think I should do?

It sounds like you’ve been scouting out this guy for a while now and, if he’s all you say he is, then who can blame you? Half a year is a long time to work out whether or not you’re into a person, and your mind sounds pretty much made up. You said for yourself that your feelings were immovable for him, so the only real way I see you getting past them (bar entirely cutting yourself off socially, which is kind of the nuclear option) is to plunge forward and see what happens. Don’t worry about the ‘age gap,’ either; he’s literally one year older than you! And, sweetie, there’s no such thing as out of your league (Jay-Z and Beyoncé is all I’m saying).

As for your game plan, it’s hard to say. You both seem pretty close, so if you feel comfortable then you could ask him out for a meal sometime in town; otherwise, you could start by grabbing some dining hall meals or just spending time together socially. And, if a moment comes up where it wouldn’t be too awkward, ask him about where he’s at relationship-wise at the moment. I always tell people that you can’t win the lottery unless you buy a ticket, and it’s so true here. And, if it all goes south, it sounds like you’ve got a list of potential suitors lined up just in case ...

Good luck to you sweetie, and make sure you tell your favorite Auntie all the juicy gossip about how it goes!