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Campus Dining has announced that it will stop offering late lunches effective Jan. 12. 

This major decision comes after an investigation by the Committee on Efficient Time Management  uncovered a “rampant, disturbing practice of students’ playing hooky to get a late lunch,” according to the committee's report.

The committee, composed of University faculty and students, launched the investigation after professors of classes that spanned across the 2:00 p.m. to 3:45 p.m. late lunch period started reporting a drop in attendance last November.

The committee's report recommends discontinuing late lunches on the grounds that they were promoting a “culture of truancy.”

“As a result of our undercover operations, we found that, during a two-week period, over 97 percent of students who purchased a late lunch from the Frist Campus Center had skipped class in order to do so,” said Guy Generalman, the head of the committee.

Student reactions to the announcement have been a mixture of anger and disbelief.

“How am I supposed to work out without my two daily bottles of Powerade from Frist? So who cares if I skip class for late meal? Everyone else does it. I need my Powerade,” Iam Swollington ’20 said.

“I can’t believe they’ve done this,” John McStunned ’19 said.

A protest by a new student group called 'Bring Back the Late Lunch' is set to take place on Saturday, Jan. 14.

*This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the internet!*

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