“Princeton Mom” Susan Patton ’77 will be partnering with former computer science majors from the University to create Yente, an app to partner college students together in matrimonial bliss.

Patton explained that participants in the app will fill out profiles including intended post-graduate job, major, extracurricular activities including fraternities or eating clubs and physical characteristics. As in Tinder, Grindr or Friendsy, they will have the opportunity to swipe right for people they would consider marrying and left for people they would not consider marrying. A green light will appear on the screen if both parties consent.

This app is unique because it focuses on marriage rather than relationships or hookups, Patton noted.

“This isn’t something that guys will casually scroll through when they’re taking a dump,” she said. “This is some high-quality matrimonial shit.”

She added that the app is focused on helping young college-age women find a partner, and that the needs of men are secondary. Young women, and not young men, will have the opportunity to go through a simulation of their wedding, and there is also a tool for calculating what sort of real estate and household items can be purchased with a given college boy’s projected salary over a given period of time.

When asked if men would favor other dating apps as a result, Patton said she was not too concerned.

“Men don’t need my help,” she said. “It’s not like they’re desperately hitting on girls at the Street every weekend and complaining about all the ones who casually reject them. They can find life partners fine on their own.”

Graham Barton, who provided the coding expertise to go along with Patton’s creative vision, said that he thinks this app will be a great stride for the University. Barton attended the University but dropped out last semester. Noting that Harvard dropouts had started Facebook and Stanford dropouts had started Pied Piper on the TV series “Silicon Valley,” he said that the introduction of this app makes him no longer ashamed to have attended the University at one point in his life.

He explained that he and his friends had worked on the app for months, living primarily on granola and quinoa in an off-campus incubator and generating most of the ideas by working with Patton in group think sessions.

“We strive to be constantly innovating, always thinking outside the box,” Barton said. “If apps were like amplifiers, then we’re like a special kind of amplifier that goes up to 11 instead of 10. We’re just taking it to the next level always.”

*This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the internet!*

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