Dear Sexpert,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for several months, but we haven’t had sex yet, because she wants to save her virginity for marriage. However, she told me we could have anal sex, because “it doesn't count.” I'm not really comfortable doing anal, but I want to be more intimate with her, and she wants to feel close to me as well. Should I just try it? What can we do?
— The Wait Might Be Over?
Dear Wait,
There are times when what you want, or don’t want, won’t perfectly align with your partner’s wants — and that’s okay! For your girlfriend, her want is saving her virginity for marriage; for you, it is not having anal sex. The most important part is that you are communicating your desires or boundaries and respecting each other’s. It is also important to note that preferences can change over time, so it is good to revisit the conversation every once in a while.
That said, there are tons of activities that you and your girlfriend might agree to engage in while respecting each other’s wishes. To clarify, it sounds like your girlfriend is talking about “saving her virginity” to mean avoiding vaginal intercourse until marriage. The term “virginity” is often deeply personal and can mean very different things to different people — ranging from complete abstinence from all sexual activity to abstinence solely from vaginal penetration by a penis.
If the latter is the case for your girlfriend, there are other options for physical intimacy and sexual pleasure that do not involve penile penetration. Outercourse, or non-penetrative genital touching, is always an option. For example, you and your girlfriend could engage in mutual masturbation, using your hands to stimulate each other, or you could also engage in oral sex.
Remember, in sexual activities where you may come in contact with each other’s bodily fluids, use barrier methods (e.g., condoms, dental dams). Even if your partner has not engaged in sexual intercourse before, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can be transmitted through other activities.
While anal sex is not something you want to try now, if you might consider it in the future, here are some tips for making it safer: Use lubrication to increase comfort and decrease friction; go slowly and introduce fingers one at a time to loosen the entrance of the anus; and use a barrier method, such as a male/external condom or a female/internal condom with the inner ring removed to increase protection against STIs.
Moreover, there are plenty of ways to feel close to someone without engaging in sexual activity! Think of your family and friends; though the relationships are obviously different, you are able to display to them your respect and appreciation in platonic ways. You and your girlfriend could offer each other massages, which can be sensual and affectionate without sexual contact. Cuddling or trying new experiences together, such as eating a new cuisine or exploring a new city are also other options. Intimacy doesn’t have to be sexual to exist. It can simply be about existing together and sharing your lives.
Read More
Students support local businesses with new platform Zage
Jack AllenAfter hearing about the struggles faced by a number of these restaurants after students left campus in mid-March, Dilbagi created Zage, an online platform that allows community members to send money to local businesses now to redeem as credits on their purchases in the future.
This fall, go beyond the 'Bubble'
Dora ZhaoEven though classes are picking up, weekends are the perfect time for students to escape the Orange Bubble. While going out to eat on Nassau is enjoyable, there is so much to see beyond Princeton. For those looking for a day trip or a chance to explore the area outside of Princeton, here is a list of ideas to do this fall.
A ramen tour of Princeton
Amy WatskyThe Prospect reviews three ramen restaurants in the Princeton area.
