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After being fired following a tumultuous and unsuccessful tenure as head coach of the New York Jets, Rex Ryan has pretty obviously been holing up at Princeton Stadium, about an hour south of his former team’s home stadium in East Rutherford, NJ.

“I feel bad kicking him out, especially because he seems to think nobody’s noticed he’s there,” said Princeton football head coach Bob Surace ’90, who is arguably more likely to receive a head coaching position in the NFL than Ryan.

Groundskeepers said they first became suspicious when they discovered a banner reading “Reappoint Ryan!” hanging from a flagpole in the stadium. The next day, they found a voodoo doll of former Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez with pins stuck in the arms under the bleachers.

Further evidence came when Surace received an anonymous phone call in which a gruff voice chanted, “Rex Ryan would make a good defensive coordinator!” The final straw came on Fridaywhen Ryan emerged from the stadium to instruct a visiting recruit on how not to run into his own blockers.

While Ryan seems to be angling for a coaching position at Princeton, or possibly an adjunct professor position, sources say he seems satisfied living in the stadium, where he has constructed a small shanty out of tackling dummies and scarves reading “NY Jets 2011 AFC Champions” that he evidently ordered but never distributed before his second season as Jets head coach.

University President Christopher Eisgruber ’83said Ryan was welcome to stay at the school until he returns to his home in Summit, NJ, or someone else volunteers to take him, adding that the University has attempted to contact Ryan’s twin brother, New Orleans Saints defensive coordinator Rob Ryan, but Ryan was “unable to be understood under all that hair.” Until such a time, Eisgruber said he would continue to bring food to Ryan three times a day, listening to his profanity-laced tirades against various members of the Jets organization, provided that “Mr. Ryan refrains at all times from attempting to coach the football team.”

This is The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue.Don't forget you can laugh at the news.

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