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Headliners and Headshakers

1.Wawa temporarily removes class banners, students moved to tears over unrequited love

2.Dartmouth students stage sit-in at president’s office; Malkiel posits student body has too much free time, suggests grade deflation

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3.Passes for Late Meal shut down, freshmen forced to return to awkward interactions with upperclassmen

4.Class of 2014 Pub Night rescheduled due to rain; Tilghman scoffs at undergraduates’ weakness in the face of inclement weather

5.Breaking: USG announces Lawnparties headliners, students show brief but intense stint of interest in campus affairs

6.Class of 2018 assigned summer reading, Eisgruber hopes to introduce ambitious prefrosh to a long tradition of procrastination

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