How to take advantage of Preview

Princeton preview is one of the few times each year we can justifiably showcase the orange portion of our wardrobes and be as obnoxious about school pride as possible. This is the time to get hyped about life beyond this semester; most of us are ascending a rung on the ladder of seniority, and others are finishing their senior theses and moving beyond the FitzRandolph Gate. Most importantly, it’s the time to give back to our alma mater in the invaluable currency of yield rates.

Just because the spotlight is shining on a class whose graduating year makes you feel like Yoda doesn’t mean that Preview can’t be a bundle of fun for you — yes, you wizened enrolled students — as well. These are the days when one can find arts and crafts opportunities to rival a kindergartener’s wildest fantasies and the greatest variety of themed Shabbat dinners ever (take note: “Wizard of Oz” Shabbat). There hasn’t been this much free stuff and this many helpful people on campus since Frosh Week. And since the prefrosh are all clueless, lanyard-collared puppies, it’s our responsibility to make sure these resources don’t go to waste.

To properly enjoy Preview, you must first rejuvenate yourself after the damage that’s been done in the weeks since spring break. The key to this healing process is adopting a feeling of superiority. During these glorious Preview days, it’s okay to not understand half of computer science lecture. As you leave the Friend Center, linger for a few minutes on Shapiro Walk and you’ll find yourself directing half a dozen prefrosh to the E-Quad and McCosh with more than enough authority to revalidate your battered self-worth. In classes, note the looks of awe passed in your direction as you furrow your brows profoundly while taking notes and laugh loudly at obscure economics jokes you don’t understand. In the dining halls and Frist, bask in glory as parents adoringly badger you about your past and present extracurricular activities, major and life choices.

Now that you’re all dolled up with confidence, it’s time to move onto the real deal. Though not an absolute requirement, it’s highly recommended that you host for maximum enjoyment of Preview. Not only will you feel morally justified in all your procrastination for the next few days, your prefrosh will also act as your source for a holistic lowdown on Preview activities. After dutifully exchanging phone numbers, casually ask to see their schedule. Take a mental note of all the events you want to attend, then assure them with conviction that hosts are obligated to eat with their hostees for every meal (yes, somebody to eat with!). Hover over them as they pick out events and convince them that those run by your student groups are simply all must-sees (yes, one participant!). Remember to take a peek in their goodie bags at the end of each day. With any luck, you could grab a few free candies and pens — and at the very least, you could salvage a Princeton shield-dotted orange poncho as a backup present for an unfortunate Secret Santa draw.

Now, it’s time to blend in with the teeming masses of prefrosh. Master this technique in front of the mirror: Hold your hands either in front of you or awkwardly to the side, walk in measured steps, tilt your head down slightly and only peer at people from an indirect angle. Once you’ve captured the vulnerable prefrosh face, you’re ready to tackle any event and fair with free food. Yes, even without a lanyard or drawstring backpack, the liquid nitrogen ice cream at Frick can be yours! Make sure you attend the activities fair, where, if you manage to avoid acquaintances, you can experience something akin to the life of a successful stripper by being showered with flyers, candy, baked goods and attention.

The free stuff doesn’t end here. Seeing as Princeton’s unofficial motto is “Overachieve, overachieve, overachieve,” it’s very likely that you have friends who constantly participate in myriad shows that you feel obliged to see. The “student events eligible” tagline loses its significance by the second month of school, and these scattered $7 to $10 add up much faster than you’d think. On Preview days, however, just about every group gives one performance in the very least — free of charge. Whether it’s This Side Of Princeton, arch sings or various open houses, you can watch enough performances in the course of four days to relieve your wallet for several months.

One more thing — the prefrosh have no idea what it means to have $10 on their cards to spend at Frist Gallery. They’re thinking, “These lines are way too long, and I’m not even hungry.” Meanwhile, you’re thinking, “Ohmigawd, $6.95+ sushi.” And if they don’t even understand or care for the magnitude of what they’re missing out on, is it really such a crime to take it from them? (That was a rhetorical question).

At last, you wrap up your Preview days. In a box. Blackbox, that is. The Preview packet may say “Preview Tigercard required,” but this is just about as true as the claim that the basement of Wilcox is “Princeton’s biggest Friday night party.” Though the sober may see this hallmark event as a trip down memory lane to middle school gym dances, Blackbox is in many ways one of the most coveted parties of the year. Because, let’s face it, who would want to miss out on the chance to party with just about every dance group on campus simultaneously? While the prefrosh think “APHRO” refers to a hairstyle, you, the insider, will feel like a rock star. If you’re lucky/good enough at appearing lost, one of them might even try to recruit you with a personalized performance. However, if you’re too alternative for Wilson, you may even choose to make the trek to Forbes, where the much more exclusive Dippin’ Dots Blackbox is surely raging…

But in all seriousness, Preview is a time to reflect on your college experience and articulate everything that you’ve learned thus far. When imparting your infinite wisdom while stroking your imaginary beard, it’s only natural to reflect on your beginnings at this school. Look at the bright and eager faces of these future tigers, whose primary source of pride is that they will soon join your ranks. It’s impossible not to remember the exhilaration of seeing that “Congratulations!” on your computer screen. Despite your Writing Sem revisions and JPs, your spring allergies and extreme sleep deprivation, it’s hard not to fall in love with Princeton all over again.