Humor, help and hope

Everyday, strangers reveal to me that they are going through an extremely difficult time. They talk about insecurity, body issues and extreme stress. “I feel so worthless right now,” one said recently. And then: "FML." Some thumbs up, some thumbs down, with one or two comments below. Three hours later, the post is replaced by newer ones and moved to page two. The post vanishes, but the problem doesn’t.

“FMyLife” is a popular website for laughing about life’s misfortunes, but among the petty and pithy on our college’s version, PrincetonFML, are serious cries for help: students posting about stress, depression and even thoughts of suicide. The contrast between the mundane and the meaningful is jarring — the frustration of losing socks shouldn’t warrant the same “FML” appendix as the inability to get out of bed all day. We read these darker posts with a grimace and moment of discomfort. And then we keep scrolling. There’s something wrong here: Why are students turning to a humor website to deal with their gravest problems?

While Princeton’s culture of professionalism might produce more effective students, it fosters self-censorship and repression, as PrincetonFML makes so obvious. We are in control at all times, plowing through class, work and other commitments. We collectively set aside Thursday and Saturday nights as the only time when it’s acceptable to lose that control; otherwise we need some sort of excuse. Thesis stubble, midterms sweatpants. This lifestyle is Princeton, like it or not, and I feel no need to criticize it on these pages. But this lifestyle drives students to refrain from ever admitting that they have a problem they cannot control, turning instead to the audience on PrincetonFML for help. This strong desire for anonymity needs to be addressed.

We need a new medium to match the anonymous comfort of PrincetonFML with a more help-oriented platform, a cyberspace for students to voice their significant concerns without being trivialized. Rather than reducing our problems to Twitter-length posts, a new site might allow for longer, more in-depth paragraphs about the reasons for our feelings or past attempts at resolution. A professional moderator at University Health Services could provide an initial, “official,” response and ensure that subsequent responses are appropriate and helpful.

PrincetonFML has, in some ways, taken on this role. Individual students regularly take up the mantle as personal counselors. Others provide similar stories of battling mental health problems in the comment section.

For many of us, PrincetonFML is used for nothing more than procrastination — a respite from Princeton’s intensity. But it seems like the more serious posters are looking for real help, not just commiseration or up-votes. A more official website would serve a functional purpose: a poster says “I have a problem” and respondents reply, “Let me help you fix it.” Rather than howling into the cyber wind on PrincetonFML, students could turn to a legitimate and productive source. Even some of PrincetonFML’s less serious posters might find solace in a more substantial website. Life’s more banal problems, such as romantic struggles or time-management problems, can also be difficult and confusing.

While a UHS-sponsored website would be more helpful than PrincetonFML, I doubt it would be more effective than a session with one of the mental health counselors. As is often suggested by PrincetonFML commenters, students with serious concerns should feel comfortable making an appointment with UHS. Any website should only be supplementary to regular therapy. But there is an extra step between admitting a problem to one’s self and making an appointment at UHS; an anonymous website provides a middle ground for those seeking help but not yet ready to talk about their problems openly.

It is unfortunate that American society in general, and Princeton in particular, dismisses or even mocks those who seek help from trained professionals. “Therapy” can seem more like the butt of a Woody Allen joke than a worthwhile solution. Even under these circumstances, students who do not feel comfortable talking openly about their problems should still be able to reap some of the benefits of talk therapy while maintaining their anonymity.

Ideas like this have been floated before, and a website of this sort is by no means the only solution. While I hope that the University at large can gradually open up about mental health issues, this solution is not the current reality. UHS should recognize this fact and take note of some of the tools that students are (futilely) already using to solve their problems — PrincetonFML as a prime example. Princeton students might not be reaching out to the appropriate channels for help, but UHS could improve their outreach to students by recognizing and utilizing these channels.

Brandon Davis is a sophomore from Westport, Conn. He can be reached at bsdavis@princeton.edu.