Ask the Sexpert: Sept. 23, 2010

Dear Sexpert,

I am an Asian male and I generally consider myself to be a fair person who is open to hanging out with people of all races. The one thing is, I'm only attracted to Asian girls. Is this racist?

-Asian Persuasion

Dear Asian Persuasion,

It is understandable that you have concerns about this, especially in a world where interracial dating has become more common. First of all, the concept of attraction is a very abstract one. Science still does not know what causes someone to be attracted to someone else. Appearance, personality, political views, sense of humor and sense of adventure can all contribute to our sense of attraction. We may know what we find attractive in someone else but not necessarily why.

However, just because we haven't solved the mystery yet doesn't mean we haven't made some progress. Research suggests that people who are repeatedly exposed to certain facial features begin to find those features more attractive. Thus, what we find attractive may simply be a result of what is familiar to us. If you grew up in an environment surrounded by mostly Asian women, this might explain why you tend to find them more attractive. It also suggests that what we find attractive can change as we interact with different cultures. From personal experience, most of us can agree that this is true: Traits, features and characteristics that we are attracted to in others can vary as we age and mature.

As far as your question regarding whether or not this is racist, that depends on a few other questions that you may want to ask yourself. Do you have a problem with other races dating or marrying each other? Are you just not attracted to people of a different race, or do you feel uncomfortable or slightly grossed out by them? Don't worry about being racist if you think it's perfectly fine for people to have an interracial relationship and just have a feeling of non-attraction that you can't explain. You may know people who are only attracted to those of a different race. Only you can decide who you find attractive -no matter what the background of the other person may be. Others should respect your decisions to do what is right for you. Just remember, though, it can't hurt to have an open mind, since what we find attractive can certainly change. Applying hard and fast rules that you will only date girls of one particular race can be limiting for both you and potential partners. Giving someone a chance could lead to something wonderful and unexpected!

- The Sexpert

The Sexpert is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!