Listen my children and you will hear,
The TRUE story of one Mr. Paul Revere,
It was actually mid-May of ’75
Hardly an English teacher alive,
Knows that Longfellow confused the day of that year.
Paul was busy studying for tests
That night he was appointed to keep the watch
He told his friend “I hope for the best
That the Brits will just forgo their quest
So I can write my lab report and finish those plots!”
You see, he had spent the previous weekend out
Partying for three days in his finest clothes.
Then, threat of not finishing his work had little clout,
And it was fine that he did not know what his JP would be about,
As it was clearly time designated to spend with his bros.
Well, this all caught up with him late Monday morn,
When he learned that it would be his job to warn,
Of impending attack from enemies in Crimson dressed,
He had too much on his plate, he confessed,
And his Dean’s Date prospects were looking forlorn.
He recruited a friend to help him with this task,
By signaling him from the top of a chapel.
His friend was willing to help him in his plight,
And he asked Paul casually, “So what else do you have to do tonight?”
Paul just groaned and said “Man, don’t ask.”
Paul galloped on horseback, to await the command,
While his friend kept his eye on sea and on land
He was banking on seeing no lights in the tower
For once the clock struck the midnight hour
He could head back home with parchment and quill in hand.
His friend climbed the tower, squinting from his station,
Glad he had the sense to turn his papers in early,
Impending war was no good for concentration,
And exams just seemed to make everyone a little squirrely.
Meanwhile Paul fidgeted, but was glad to see,
No light as the clock ticked ever closer to 12,
If he went home soon he’d have two hours to finish his JP
And as the bells tolled he was ready to flee.
Into his books it was high time to delve.
Then something broke the silence of the night,
It’s what they had been watching for!
Paul’s friend jumped up as caught the sight
Through the fog, a lantern on a Red Coat ship gave light.
Paul wasn’t going to be able to finish his reading tonight!
Paul saw the lanterns go up, not one, but two!
They waved wildly among the bells around and around,
They were coming! With red coats, hats and shoes
He said under his breath “Paul, thou art royally screwed.”
And he galloped his horse to alert the towns.
We all know this part, we have learned it in school
How Paul valiantly warned the people who waited,
But really, he was thinking he needed to get home quick,
That night he was going to burn his candles clean out of wick,
And if he did not get his work turned in on time, that would not be cool.
You’ll be happy to hear that it worked out just fine
His essays and reports were written with a speedy quill.
After tearing through the towns yelling his warning cry,
Which rung through households and into that famous night sky,
Paul turned in all his assignments (barely) on time.
Now you know the story as it really went down,
The story the history books skirt around.
What old Paul was thinking as he sped through the town,
The ride that has earned him timeless renown.
Some say that it was his valor that saved the nation,
But others still say it was fear of ye olde grayde deflaytion.
Sophia LeMaire is a mechanical engineering major from Longmeadow, Mass. She can be reached at slemaire@princeton.edu.
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